This week: Sin Cara fans up in arms, as Power To The People turns into the biggest voting scandal since Derrick Bateman somehow didn’t win NXT season 4. Plus, Summer Of Punk 2, #IWantArmWrestling, Zack Ryder makes it to the main event (of NXT) and no, seriously, how did Derrick Bateman not win NXT?

RAW- Power To The People

– CM Punk came out to open the show. He sat in the ring and insulted the fans, saying that they couldn’t make any decisions on his career tonight. Punk called himself “the best wrestler in the world” and brought up his wins over Rey and Cena, saying he should be number one contender because “wins and losses still matter”. If he’d only said how great Zack Ryder was, the internet may just have climaxed there and then. Punk wanted the GM to make the match in Chicago at Money In The Bank. And until he got what he wanted, he threatened to stage a sit-in. The GM e-mailed and said he’d take it under consideration and asked Punk to leave. Punk refused and started making snow angels in the ring. The GM e-mailed back in and forced Punk into a match with Alberto to determine the number one contender. Punk complained, so the GM made it a triple threat with Alberto and Rey. And then they cut his mic. Punk was in fine form here. Clearly in ‘care free’ mode.

– The first text vote of the night was to determine number one contender to the Diva’s Title. Kelly Kelly got 53%, to Beth’s 36% and Eve’s 11%.

WWE Divas Championship: Kelly Kelly d. Brie Bella (c) in 3:03 to win the title. Nikki distracted Kelly early to give her sister an advantage. Brie dominated for a while, but Kelly fought back. A couple of victory roll reversals led to Kelly holding Brie down for the pin and the title.

– Lawler got into the ring afterwards and congratulated Kelly. Kelly thanked the fans, in sappy fashion.

– They played an Evan Bourne video package, which a certain indy booker really seemed to enjoy, if my Twitter timeline has anything to say. The next vote was to pick Bourne’s opponent. Jack Swagger, Mason Ryan or Sin Cara. Easy choice, right? Apparently not. Mason won, with 51% of the vote, Cara 30% and Swagger 19%. Live crowd were not happy. Apparently, WWE have claimed they were having problems with the voting and votes got carried over from the diva match.

Mason Ryan d. Evan Bourne in 4:02. “Batista” chants for Mason. Basic big man versus little man match. Was a little awkward. Mason caught Bourne coming off the ropes and delivered the side effect to finish Evan off.

– Mark Henry came out for his match, which would either be a Body Slam Match, an Arm Wrestling Match or an Over The Top Rope Match. All fine choices, obviously. Henry cut a promo, putting over what he did to Big Show at Capitol Punishment. Henry promised somebody was going to get their ass kicked. Result were Arm Wrestling 52%, Over The Top 35% and Body Slam 13%. The first three results were awful similiar and all B, C, A. I don’t buy that it was rigged, since I’m not sure you’d do that on purpose, so I assume there really were technical errors or screw-ups.

Arm Wrestling Match: Kane d. Mark Henry by DQ. Every arm wrestling match you’ve ever seen. Henry stalled a bunch, they went back and forth a bit. Then Henry gave Kane a cheapshot and got DQed. They brawled and Henry hit Kane with the arm wrestling table, before putting him through the announce table with the World’s Strongest Slam, ala Big Show.

– R-Truth came out. Truth said he got okiedoked by Little Jimmy on Sunday. He talked about a conspiracy. Suddenly, Christian interrupted. Christian sympathised with Truth and ran down the idea of the people having power, because of what happened to him. He said he blamed horrible crowds, general managers and referees for not being the champion. Christian asked for one more title shot. Truth asked him how many chances he’d had. Crowd chanted “Little Jimmy”, then The Miz joined in on the act. Miz called them whiners, then proceeded to whine about losing to Riley. Christian pointed out he and Truth were in title matches last night, unlike Miz. They went back and forth asking “Really?”, then Christian said “Riley”, to which Miz responded “Randy”. They bickered, until Truth jumped in yelling “Jimmy”. Absurd, but funny.

– So, Teddy Long interrupted and told them all to shut up. Teddy said the people didn’t want to hear them talk, they wanted to see them in action. He made a six man with Truth, Christian and Miz against Cena, Orton and Riley.

WWE United States Championship, 2 Out Of 3 Falls: Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler (c), by 2 Falls to 1 in 9:19, however Dolph remains champion via DQ. 2 Out Of 3 won 51% to Vickie Banned From Ringside 31% and Submission 18%. First fall Kofi started out hot. Kofi took a spill through the ropes and to the floor hard. During the commercial, Dolph gave Kofi the Zig Zag on the outside, rolled him back inside and pinned him. At least they showed a replay, but that hurt the momentum a fair bit. Dolph was in control for the second fall. Kofi hit the SOS out of nowhere to take the fall and even things up at 1 to 1 though. In the final fall, they went back and forth. Kofi almost won with the Delirious backsplash. In trouble, Dolph grabbed his belt and Kofi gave him Trouble In Paradise outside. Dolph put his fingers on the rope to save himself from being pinned. Ziggler then hit Kofi with a microphone to get himself disqualified. Kingston won, but since the final fall was a DQ and titles can’t change hands that way, Dolph retained. Dolph threw Kofi inside after the match, but got hit with a second Trouble In Paradise.

– Alberto talked about his destiny before the next match. He said beating Big Show last night was destiny and his destiny was now to destroy Punk and Mysterio. The vote came up 66% Falls Count Anywhere, over No DQ 23% and Submission 11%.

#1 Contendership, Triple Threat, Falls Count Anywhere: CM Punk d. Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio in 8:45. Plenty of action here. Both Punk and Del Rio targetted Rey early, without actually working together as such. Some highlights. Punk got a nearfall on Del Rio with a sunset bomb to the floor. Crowd were split between Rey and Punk. Punk blocked a Del Rio cross armbreaker with a roundhouse kick. Tower of doom spot. Mysterio hit a rolling senton on Punk straight into a tope on Del Rio. That was pretty awesome. Punk did the Samoa Joe casual sidestep to avoid a crossbody by Rey. Punk broke up a cross armbreaker with a middle rope legdrop. In the end, Mysterio hit the 619 and a splash on Del Rio, but Punk threw him outside and stole his pin, as is customary in every triple threat match ever. Very good match, even with the overused finish.

– Post match Punk got on the microphone again. Punk promised July 17th would be a historic day in WWE. He vowed to beat Cena for the WWE Title at Money In The Bank. Punk then got honest and said his contract with WWE ended on July 17th. Punk said he was leaving WWE on that day and vowed to leave with the WWE Title.

No Count Out Match: Daniel Bryan d. Cody Rhodes in 2:29. Options were No Count Out Match (51%), ‘Paper Bag Match’ (43%) and Collegiate Rules (6%). How anyone could vote for either of the other two over Paper Bag Match is beyond me. Bryan hit the dive early and they took advantage of the ‘stipulation’ by battling onto the stage briefly. Match was solid while it lasted and Bryan won by reversing a small package. Cody tried to attack, but Bryan put him in the Labell Lock, forcing Dibiase to run out and make the save. Cody and Ted laid Bryan out and bagged him.

– Up next was a Dance Competition. Vickie versus one of the commentators. Yikes. Striker hosted. Vickie promised to win, because she had fifteen years of dance training. Ballet, jazz and exotic dancing, to be precise. She quoted Sable’s old catchphrase. Yes, SABLE. Awesome. Vickie danced a little and kissed Striker. Then, to top things off, COLE won the vote, 47% to Lawler’s 39% and Booker’s 14%. More people wanted Lawler to dance than Booker. Cole did something resembling the worm, sort of, then tried to do the Spinaroonie for Booker. Cole actually won the audience approval. Vickie then slapped Cole. Absurd.

– Stips for the main event were Elimination Match, 79%, somehow winning over One Fall To Finish at 15% and 20 Minute Time Limit (wow) at 6%.

Elimination Match: John Cena, Randy Orton and Alex Riley d. R-Truth, Christian and The Miz in 17:03.

Christian pinned Riley

Cena pinned Miz

Orton pinned Truth

Christian pinned Orton

Cena submitted Christian

Cena and Miz started out with chain wrestling. The heel team worked over Orton. Orton countered a spear and got the tag to Riley, who made a big comeback on Christian. Things soon broke down and with the referee caught up with Cena, Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale and Christian scored the pin. The heels restored control over Orton during the break. Cena made the comeback this time and wound up getting Miz in the STF, only for Truth to break it up. The heel team then isolated Cena for a while. Cena managed to hit the Attitude Adjustment out of nowhere on Miz to even things up. Cena, eventually, got the tag to Orton. Orton had Truth set up for the RKO, but Christian came in and cut him off. The distraction was only temporary, as Orton dodged the scissors kick and RKOed Truth out. But, he then turned into a Spear from Christian, who finally got his pin on Orton. As Christian celebrated, Cena went for the AA. Christian got free, but Orton hit the RKO out of sight of the ref and Cena put on the STF to win the match. Crowd were into this, but it was a long haul. Orton and Cena posed with the titles to end the show.

NXT

– Hornswoggle and Titus came out and Hornswoggle attempted to cut a promo. Titus translated for him. Talented dude. They called out Maryse, because Hornswoggle had some ‘unfinished business’. That business being, Hornswoggle hitting on her. He gave her a candy ring and Maryse was not impressed. She called him a fat troll and Regal called her a wicked cow. Show off to a fine start. Then, Zack Ryder came out. Great start. Zack couldn’t understand how Titus had done better with Hornswoggle as his pro than he did with Ryder a few seasons ago. Titus promised to prove Hornswoggle was a better pro than Zack. Crowd were split on that. Zack threatened to fist pump his face. So Striker, in lieu of anyone else I guess, came out and made the match for later.

Yoshi Tatsu, Vladimir Kozlov and Conor O’Brien d. JTG, Chavo Guerrero and Darren Young (Yoshi pinned JTG) in 14:13. This all stemmed from last week, when Conor and Vladimir saved Yoshi from the heels. This was a long one. You can tell they’re near the end of the season and they’re down on numbers. Match wasn’t bad though. After an even start, Kozlov’s team cleaned house and had control. Chavo’s team were able to turn it around and isolate Conor though. They worked over the knee, for a considerable amount of time. Yoshi got the tag and had JTG beat with a shining wizard, but things broke down. When they cleared, JTG tried to grab Yoshi, but took the roundhouse kick.

– Tyson was backstage, talking to Lucky Cannon on the phone. He walked into the dressing room and found a bunch of candles, with Yoshi’s action figure sat meditating. Yoshi ran him off.

Zack Ryder d. Titus O’Neil in 7:20. Ryder had some support in the crowd. It’s still only a small pocket of people though, realistically. Most of the match was a showcase for Titus’s power. Hornswoggle bit Zack and forced him outside to regroup. Zack gained some control, but Titus came back. However, Zack played cat and mouse with Hornswoggle and the distraction lead to Titus getting a boot and the Ruff Ryder. Wasn’t expecting that.

SUPERSTARS

Natalya, AJ and Kaitlyn d. Tamina, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes (AJ pinned Alicia) in 5:22. No AJ theme music again this week. Unacceptable. AJ ended up surprising Alicia with a rollup to pick up the win for her team.

– They replayed almost the entire main event from Raw. Helpful. For me at least. Next!

Gail Kim d. Melina in 4:00. Gail and Melina have a feud going now, where they used to be friends but, well, now they’re not. For some reason. They, sort of, shook hands before the match, in not so friendly fashion. Melina did the old ‘tweaked my knee’ trick and used the distraction to hit a snapmare driver on Gail. In the end, Gail avoided the splits kick and got Melina in a crucifix for the pin. Not bad.

Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga d. Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov (McGillicutty pinned Santino) in 9:15. Santino was actually able to hold his own against both Otunga and McGillicutty. Kozlov came in and tossed McGillicutty around for a while as well. Infact, the champs were pretty much dominated for the first five minutes. They eventually cut Santino off, briefly. Kozlov made the Krazy Kozlov Komeback, but after a triple clothesline, Santino tagged back in, only to fall victim to the dreaded swinging neckbreaker.

SMACKDOWN

– Teddy Long came out to address what happened at Capitol Punishment, between Christian and Orton. He called Christian out and Christian quickly demanded another chance at the title. They showed a replay of Christian’s foot being under the rope. Teddy admitted it was clear what happened and apologised. But he said the referee’s decision was final. Christian was mad the fans got an apology and not him and pointed out he pinned Orton on Raw, so he deserved another shot. After much complaining, Teddy told Christian he’d have to earn another shot, by beating Kane tonight. Christian was suitably pissed.

Sin Cara d. Ted Dibiase in 5:10. They announced Sin Cara versus Bourne for Raw, as a make-up for the messed up voting. Cara used a deja vu headscissors early and hit a big dive. Dibiase countered a crossbody with a dropkick back inside. Plenty of good and little bad, maybe Sin Cara’s best match so far in WWE. Cara eventually won with La Mistica. Dibiase did a good job here.

– Cody Rhodes cut a promo, on his way to the ring, calling Hershey the modern day Sodom. See, they make lots of chocolate, which makes people fat, which makes Cody mad. So, the baggers went to work, until Daniel Bryan interrupted. Bryan said he was sick of Cody’s shtick. He said he wasn’t the most fashion conscious person in the world, but even he knew Cody shouldn’t be wearing a ‘cup’ on his face. Bryan said looks weren’t everything and brought a picture of Dusty Rhodes up on the screen. Bryan said Dusty wasn’t the best looking, but he was a good person, unlike Cody. He claimed Cody would never live up to Dusty’s standards and that’s why he’s so mad.

Cody Rhodes d. Daniel Bryan in 8:19. Dibiase came out to be in Cody’s corner during the match and got involved to help him. They had a good match, but if you watch it, do me a favour and watch it on mute, because Michael Cole is horrible on Smackdown. Dibiase distracted Bryan with a trip, so Bryan wiped him out with a topé. Cody capitalised with a springboard kick, which hung Bryan up in the ropes. Once Bryan was untied, Cody took advantage with a second kick and put him away with Crossrhodes. Cody paperbagged him afterwards to add insult to injury.

– Speaking of which, Johnny Curtis comedy hour was next. This week, Johnny Curtis ‘cut the mustard’ and it was the least funny of all the non funny segments. He’s now sub-Carrot Top level.

– Striker interviewed The Big Show, who was still limping from Capitol Punishment. Show said he was fine, but didn’t sound convincing. Show said Mark Henry was in the wrong place at the wrong time when he attacked him and it could have been anyone. Striker said Henry had been on a tear of late and showed a video of Henry destroying people. Show said Henry was going to need to be on fire. Suddenly, Henry showed up and speared Show back through the set.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Ezekial Jackson (c) d. Wade Barrett by submission in 4:34. Barrett jumped Jackson during his entrance. Zeke insisted he could fight, so the match started. Wade dominated early on as a result. But Zeke came back to retain with the torture rack. These two have an odd chemistry together, all their matches have been better than you’d expect.

– Randy Orton was interviewed backstage. His new shirt is flesh coloured with black designs. So, with his arm tattoos, he looks like he’s shirtless and covered in tattoos. It messes with your mind. Orton promised the closest Christian would get to the World Title is when he gets hit in the head with it again.

– Barrett was hobbling back from his match, when Gabriel and Slater walked up. They mocked him for losing and sarcastically said he was right that he didn’t need their help anymore. Wade said he had bigger plans than them, or the IC Title. Gabriel said they were going to do something he couldn’t and win.

Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater d. The Usos (Slater pinned Jimmy) in 4:29. The Usos now do the Haka during their entrance. Another decent match from these two teams, although last week’s was better. Jimmy went for a superfly splash, but Slater got his knees up and turned it into an inside cradle for the quick win.

– Jinder Mahal versus Yoshi Tatsu never even got started. Jinder attacked Yoshi before the bell and fed him to Great Khali for the big chop. Jinder then gave Yoshi a full nelson slam, then Khali threw Yoshi outside. Jinder cut a promo, saying this was just an example. He said Khali wouldn’t be dancing or kissing fat women anymore and now, nothing would stop the ‘eastern winds from blowing through the WWE universe’.

Kane d. Christian by DQ in 9:27. Good stuff while it lasted. After struggling early, Christian speared Kane into the barricade and tried to win via count out, but Kane got back in at eight. They exchanged close falls near the end. Eventually, Kane sized Christian up for the chokeslam but Mark Henry ran in for the disqualification. Best Kane match in a while, finish aside.

– Henry beat on Kane after the match, but Christian was mad at his loss and got in Henry’s face. Henry turned his focus on him, so Christian very quickly decided they should both attack Kane instead. Smart move. Teddy Long came out to put a stop to things. He gave Christian another chance, in a tag match. Christian and Henry versus Kane and Smilin’ Randy Orton.

Christian and Mark Henry d. Randy Orton and Kane (Henry pinned Orton) in 7:37. Randy was very popular with this crowd. Kane tried to bodyslam Henry and got crushed, to give the heel team the advantage. Kane managed to hit a chokeslam on Henry and make the tag to Orton. Orton immediately thought RKO, but Christian ran in, so Orton made his comeback on him since Henry was down. Orton took Christian out, but Henry recovered and after an RKO to Christian, Orton walked into the World’s Strongest Slam. So, Christian gets RKOed, but ‘wins’ the number one contendership anyway, thanks to Henry. Odd way to go perhaps, but I guess Christian pinned Orton on Raw already, so it could have been worse. Christian taunted Orton with the World Title as Smackdown ended.

TOP 5: RAW OPTIONS THAT SHOULD HAVE WON

5. Sin Cara; versus Evan Bourne (An honest mistake, I’m sure.)

4. Jerry Lawler; Dance Off (Can only imagine what he’d have had in his locker.)

3. 20 Minute Time Limit; Six Man Tag Match (Because who doesn’t love time-limits?)

2. Paper Bag Match; Bryan versus Cody (Genuinely can’t believe this didn’t win. It had it all. Paper bags. A pole. Far more outraged over this than Sin Cara.)

1. Arm Wrestling Match; Kane versus Henry (Oh, wait, this one won. Awesome.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *