Thursday , 23 October 2014
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Where is CHIKARMY Insider?! (Full Midwest Triple Shot Results)

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It’s here! The first new CHIKARMY Insider since that last time I was told the world was ending! I lived in that bunker for weeks with only my most essential supplies: Slim Jims, Ho-Hos, pork cracklings, several issues of Weird from the mid-90s, a goat named Brandon (for milk & cheese), an erotic poster of Dusty Rhodes and my laptop…without its power cord. I accidentally left it in the fridge for some reason. I would occasionally boot the lappy to do important stuff: tweet nonsense, Google the word “dank” and look up recipes involving pork cracklings and goat cheese. When I emerged three weeks later, I found my uncle Chris had lied: mole people were nowhere to be found. I did assault an old man who had bottle glasses and a cane, believing him to be the Mole King. He wasn’t. He was cool about it though. Wait, what is this again? Oh yeah, my Chikara column! This week, we have some sad news about a beloved Chikara wrestler, bad news involving a certain “Bad Mother Trucker” and rad results from this past weekend’s Midwest triple shot! Man I’m sick of pork cracklings.

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Amasis Injury Forces Retirement

“Long story short; Amasis has to retire.” Sugar Dunkerton wrote on Twitter, “Even shorter story, it sucks.” After sustaining severe injuries to his back and neck, “The Funky Pharaoh” was forced to exit the 12 Large: Summit and would be on the shelf for quite some time. However, it now appears that his career is over. Like Dunkerton, many wrestlers and managers flooded Twitter with well-wishes for Amasis, such as Adam Cole, Player Uno, Rhett Titus, AKUMA, Mia Yim, Larry Dallas and even Mecha Mummy. The PWP family expressed sadness over his retirement on Twitter as well. Amasis had an energy and charisma in the ring that could not be duplicated, and in recent years, with the inclusion of various stiff forearm shots to his bag of tricks, became one of Chikara’s most dynamic performers as well. A four-time King of Trios participant, two-time Young Lions Cup tournament competitor and former Campeon de Parejas with partner Ophidian, the duo have also held the Real Championship Wrestling and Force 1 tag team titles. They found surprising fame in early 2011 after “Lost” producer Damon Lindelof, among others, tweeted the link to a video of The Osirian Portal hypnotizing The Runaways and the entire CZW locker room. The clip soon found its way onto programs like “Attack of the Show” and “Pardon the Interruption” with The Portal’s antics garnered near unanimous praise. The entire Pro Wrestling Ponderings staff and fans all around the world will miss the “The Funky Pharaoh”. Hopefully, his recovery goes well and he continues to stay in the Chikara family.

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Brodie Lee Out 4 Months, 12 Large Status Uncertain!

After badly injuring his knee at the most recent DGUSA shows, Brodie Lee’s status in the 12 Large: Summit was uncertain. He was pulled from his scheduled tourney contest with Eddie Kingston and the rest of Chikara’s weekend, too. Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur blogged the following, before the extent of the injury was assessed: “[In] a situation like this, if a wrestler cannot compete in scheduled tournament matches, he must accept those losses via forfeit, and points will automatically go to his scheduled opponent. However, Mr. Lee has told me he may get a more promising prognosis in the weeks to come. If he is able to rejoin the “12 Large: Summit” and resume wrestling before all his scheduled matches will have been forfeit, I feel that should be permitted in the spirit of good sportsmanship.” Unfortunately, “Big Rig” later revealed on Twitter that he’d be out of action for at least four months, diagnosed with a dislocated patella, minor tear of MCL and sprain of ACL. So it seems that the title tourney may already be down to eleven.

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Jigsaw Announces July Return From Injury!

“6 more weeks!” Jigsaw wrote on the Chikara Blog. “Just 6 more weeks of rehab the doctor told me this morning. You can’t begin to imagine how happy that made me. I’m dying to get back in the ring. To compete alongside the best in the world. To step foot once again in a CHIKARA ring. To start my path in the 12 Large: Summit and become the one, true CHIKARA champion!? I’ve accomplished a lot here in CHIKARA – Cups, tournaments and more – but this would be the crown jewel. This would take my wrestling career to a whole new level. To set me apart from the rest of the pack and put me alongside pro-wrestling’s elite…or maybe in a class by myself. I’m coming back stronger, smarter and more driven than ever. And I’m coming back in July! Ain’t no doubt about it, baby!”

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Both Nights of Aniversario Now Out On DVD!

Chikara Pro’s anniversary shows are out on DVD! Aniversario & His Amazing Friends took place May 21, 2011 in Easton, PA. It featured Frightmare versus Archibald Peck, UltraMantis Black against Chuck Taylor in a battle that went anywhere and everywhere, Eddie Kingston versus Sinn Bodhi, Hallowicked against Mike Quackenbush in the first match of the 12 Large: Summit tournament, 3.0 faced The UnStable in a feud-ending grudge match where the losing team had to disband and three more huge matches from Easton! Aniversario: The Legendary Super Powers Show took place May 22, 2011 in Union City, NJ. It featured UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked & Frightmare against Sinn Bodhi, Obariyon & Kodama in a grudge match, Sugar Dunkerton against Archibald Peck, Eddie Kingston battling Chuck Taylor, Brodie Lee versus Vin Gerard in a 12 Large: Summit match, the 2011 King of Trios winners The Colony taking on TNA superstar Amazing Red & Los Maximos in the main event and three more matches from Union City! Buy’em both today at Smart Mark Video for the fantastic price of only $15 each!

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~ Preshow: Gavin Loudspeaker serenades the Chi-Town faithful with a song and announces that not only is Ares not here…the GALLI lucha guys aren’t either! Well that’s…not a good start. Guess that means Portal vs. Luchadors is off. Still, the place is absolutely packed. Standing room only for those still filing in as the show begins!

1. Six-Man Tag: Obariyon, Kodama & Kobald d. Dasher Hatfield, Sugar Dunkerton & Matt Classic (13:39). Kobald pins Classic with his Blockbuster-style neckbreaker for the victory and extra momentum going into his match for Frightmare’s Young Lions Cup in two days.

2. CHIKARA vs. GALLI: Ophidian d. Isaias Velasquez (5:55). Ol’ Snake Face taps out Velasquez with the Bridging Death Grip in the GALLI grappler’s Chikara debut. At least GALLI got to show off one representative, and in a pretty good little match, too. Funny enough, Isaias and Ophidian have tagged in GALLI before. Small world I guess.

3. Tag Challenge: Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano d. Soldier Ant & Green Ant (12:59). Gargano & Taylor get the win in what was said to be a fantastic match. Chuck’s grenade made it’s first appearance in a Chikara ring in quite some time, too. Finish came after a flurry of tag maneuvers on Soldier, capped off by a Hurts Donut and a three count from Gargano.

4. Non-Title Match: Frightmare d. Hieracon (6:10). In a short contest, Wink’s favorite masked man falls to the reigning YLC champ after Frightmare avoided a Lightning Spiral, catching Hieracon with an O’Connor Roll for the victory.

5. 12 Large: Summit A Block: Sara Del Rey d. Icarus (13:56). Chicago HATES Icarus, naturally. The BDK theme, for the first time and perhaps only time, is met with universal applause as Del Rey enters to a rowdy request for the head of the “Winged Ring Warrior”. She obliges, peppering him with all manner of punishment, mostly in the form of stiff, well-placed kicks. In the end, the Ick Man went for the pedigree but Del Rey reversed it into a jackknife cradle for the win and two points in the 12 Large: Summit. Said to be an outstanding contest, garnering a standing ovation afterwards. Seriously.

6. 12 Large: Summit A Block: Claudio Castagnoli d. Hallowicked (14:34). In yet another strong contest, Claudio is forced to cheat to defeat Hallowicked, pinning him to the mat with his feet on the ropes for extra leverage. Or something. I was never sure how that worked. Both men now sit at two points in the 12 Large, as Wicked carried one into the match via a previous victory over Quackenbush.

7. 12 Large: Summit B Block: UltraMantis Black d. Fire Ant (12:46). Wild match with a huge powerslam on the apron and tons of nearfalls. Mantis managed to notch the victory though, planting the leader of The Colony with the Praying Mantis Bomb and earning two points in the tourney.

8. First Time Ever: Eddie Kingston d. Colt Cabana (9:00). In quite a clash of styles, it was Kingston who notched yet another high-profile singles win, dropping Colt with Backfist to the Future for the dubya. it should be noted that Vin Gerard came out during that match to do a little scouting on his future opponent in the 12 Large tourney.

9. Main Event Grudge Match: Da Soul Touchaz d. BDK (Donst/Tursas/Hammermeier) (11:34). Tursas is in the full black gear that he debuted in Osaka last month. Rockett, Jaz and Richardson are rapping the Bulls in their hometown of Chicago. With the Bruderschaft’s backs against the wall, Castagnoli tried to interfere…but C.Red, the former Soul Touchaz manager whose career was ended by the BDK, stop Claudio with a pipe! Big Willie then pounced Tursas and squashed Jakob with a HUGE top rope leg drop, giving Da Soul Touchaz da victory! Said to be a great match that capped off a fantastic, sellout show!

★  Listen HERE for PWP’s own Jerome Cusson giving his live thoughts on this show!  ★

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1. Reading Rematch: Greg Iron d. Icarus (8:07). Iron not only gets revenge on Icarus for embarrassing him back at Caught in a Cauldron of Hate, he gets his very first win in a Chikara ring.

2. CLASH Showcase: Gavin Quinn, Tommy Treznik & Ded Vaughn d. Cameron Skyy, Joey Marx & Bryce Benjamin (10:19). “GQ” puts down former YLC tournament entry Skyy with a superkick to give he & the H3RD the victory.

3. One on One: Vin Gerard d. Hieracon (7:06). Vin gets the win, tapping out Hieracon with his patented, trademarked, signature Stepover Toehold Facelock, also known as……drat, I can’t remember. Also, I was hoping this match would serve as a 12 Large: Summit contest. In a plan I hatched with Kevin Ford on THIS podcast, Wink would come down and announce Vin’s win over Brodie gone, with his little pet getting to start fresh. It, uh…didn’t happen. I am literally angry with rage.

4. CHIKARA vs. BDK: Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton d. Tim Donst & Jakob Hammermeier (13:24). The Throwbacks gain a little revenge on the BDK and one point towards a title shot after Dasher plants Jakob with the Grand Slam for the three count.

5. Tag Challenge: Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano d. Hallowicked & Frightmare (11:44). Chucky T drops Frightmare with the Awful Waffle, giving F.I.S.T. two points towards a future shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas.

6. 12 Large: Summit A Block: Mike Quackenbush d. Ophidian (17:31). In the longest match of the night so far, Quack, like in the Elimination Tag Match at The Germans, has to go to the top rope to put Ophidian down, planting him with a Super Black Tornado Slam for the win. Quack has his first two point in the tourney, while Ophidian sits at El Zilcho.

7. 12 Large: Summit B Block: Eddie Kingston d. UltraMantis Black (11:56). The battle of top B Block contenders goes in favor of “The War King”, who decimates UltraMantis with two Backfists for the win. With Black carrying in a tournament win over Fire Ant from the previous, both competitors now sit at two points in the 12 Large: Summit. Afterwards, Vin Gerard, who also has 2 points in Block B, attacked Kingston, perhaps in an attempt to collect the bounty Claudio placed on the head of Kingston.

8. Main Event Grudge Match: Fire Ant, Soldier Ant & Green Ant d. Claudio Castagnoli, Sara Del Rey & Tursas (26:08). Del Rey replaced the absent Ares here, so it cannot be billed as a battle of former King of Trios winners. However, The Colony managed to not only defeat the Bruderschaft, but do so in shocking fashion: Green Ant tapped out Claudio Castagnoli with the Texas Cloverleaf, a move that, before now, he had never been able to defeat anyone with due to constant interference!

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1. Elimination Tag: Obariyon & Kobald d. The Olsen Twins, Los Ice Creams and Aeroform (16:36). Louis Lyndon & Flip Kendrick are out first, eliminated by Hijo del Ice Cream and Ice Cream, Jr! That’s their first point in almost THREE YEARS. From here, it’s all…er, I spoke too soon. With the help of a young fan, the Ice Creams are dispatched by The Olsens rather quickly. In the end though, Obariyon kills Jimmy with Deep Impact for the win and first point for this particular Batiri duo.

2. CHIKARA vs. BDK #1: Tursas d. Dasher Hatfield (6:09). Like everyone else he’s faced not named Kingston or UltraMantis, Tursas puts Dasher down in a solo battle with a huge powerbomb.

3. One on One: Cheech Hernandez d. Shiima Xion (11:03). With a cleverly-titled moved called Rest in Cheech (is that what he’s calling The Deluxe nowadays?), “The New Wave” pins Xion in the Chikara return match for both guys.

4. Singles Showdown: Ophidian d. Sugar Dunkerton (9:28). Dunkerton came out wearing the Osirian gauntlets in honor of Amasis, who was forced to retire recently due to non-wrestling related injuries. Sugar continues to slide though and Ophidian bounces back from last night’s 12 Large: Summit loss to Mike Quackenbush after a cradle for three. Dunkerton has been visibly frustrated about his losing ways this weekend, especially considering how strongly he vowed to show up in a Chikara blog post.

5. First Time Ever: Eddie Kingston d. Hieracon (12:29). “God’s Middle Child” chokes out Hieracon with a guillotine, fighting off interference from Vin Gerard in the process. Not a great weekend for Hieracon, going 0-3 in singles matches.

6. CHIKARA vs. BDK #2: UltraMantis Black & Hallowicked d. Tim Donst & Jakob Hammermeier (8:40). Mantis destroys Hammermeier with the Praying Mantis Bomb, giving The Spectral Envoy the win and a point towards a future tag title shot.

7. Young Lions Cup: Frightmare© d. Kodama (8:09). Just like with Obariyon and many others seeking the Young Lions Cup, the Kneecolepsy is good enough to get the win for Frights, retaining the YLC for a record-extending seventh time.

8. Main Event Eight-Man: Mike Quackenbush & The Colony d. Vin Gerard & F.I.S.T (18:44). Fire Ant gets the pinfall for his squad after they plant Gargano with the Ant Hill. By gawd, these Ants are unbeatable as a trio!

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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many hypnotic Japanese lullabies as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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About Justin Houston

Justin Houston, born in a place many years ago, had parents who did stuff. He was raised in a house with a dog. He went to school and had friends probably. Then he moved because of a bridge or something. The boardwalk had a nice pier and a cockatoo that said "pretty bird!". Then he moved. All the water in the lake dried up and the fishes learned to dance. Then they forgot how. He ate lots of fish. Then he moved. Now he lives near Atlanta, GA, where he has been featured in the Atlanta Film Festival and recently did a tasteful spread for Maxim. He discovered puroresu in late 2005 and began a prolonged physical relationship with it. He then found out about Chikara Pro in early 2006 and fell in a smelly, brown puddle of love. He writes Pushing Puroresu, CHIKARMY Insider, and does Chikara DVD reviews because he enjoys the creative freedom, the melodic, ego-fueling sound of his own words, and because he was very politely asked to write them. He hopes this will lead to a full-time gig as one of the Fly Girls, but seeing as In Living Color has been off the air for over a decade, he's not sure how well that'll work. He'll probably be moving soon.

3 comments

  1. So what do you see as the future of the former Osirian Portal as really Hieracon not really doing so well. Do you see them taking up the tag team mantle and being a force like the original? Or is this going to be more like the Four Horseman with Lex Luger?

  2. I bet Heiracon reverts to Gresham soon and Ophidian goes solo. The other option may be to wait for another student to restart a trio. Mike Quackenbush won with a top rope Black Tornado Slam, btw, not a Black Hole Slam.

  3. wrsisyphus2: Haha, thanks for the correction! Quite the slip there.

    Chris GST: The only end game that makes sense at this point is yet another Portal break-up. I’ll be interested to see how they handle Wink’s involvement. If Hieracon / Gresham goes heel, Wink might not be far behind.

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