Monday , 20 October 2014
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WWE PPV Review: Money in the Bank

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For those that value pro wrestling above all else, this is our true WrestleMania. Justin Houston here with another WWE PPV Review, this time of the heavily-hyped Money in the Bank. It will feature two ladder matches where the desired object is a briefcase that gives the holder a World Title shot anytime, anyplace. Randy Orton will better Christian to, perhaps, settle their bitter and hate-filled feud. Finally, in the most anticipated match in some time, CM Punk, who is leaving the WWE after tonight, faces John Cena for the WWE Championship. Punk wants to walks out champion. If that happens, Cena’s fired. Oh, and this all takes place in Punk’s back yard of Chicago. What happened when the hottest wrestler on the planet met the most polarizing figure is wrestling history in a struggle for gold, respect and the very soul of this sport? Read on to find out!

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~ Michelle Cole is here with Jerri Lawler and Queen Booker. SEE WHAT I DID?!?! I GAVE THEM LADY NAMES!!! I AM JACKED FOR THIS, FOLKS! Smackdown’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match kicks off the program.

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1. Smackdown MITB Ladder Match: Kane vs. Cara vs. Bryan vs. Barrett vs. Rhodes vs. Gabriel vs. Slater vs. Sheamus

The Titan Tron in the entranceway is a humongous briefcase flanked by insanely large ladders. Shame, as I can’t imagine Morrison would’ve been able to resist falling off of it. Everybody brawls to start, leaving it Barrett, Kane & Sheamus. Kane, last year’s Smackdown MITB winner, levels them both to the outside. Bryan comes back with a basement dropkick, followed by a tandem version from Gabriel & Slater. Gabriel tries to climb but Daniel Bryan missile dropkicks him off. Sheamus enters and eventually drops everyone to the mat. Kane sends him outside, Barrett into a ladder face-first and drops Slater with a sideslam. Kane heads north but Sin Cara kicks him down. Bryan & Gabriel brawl and then everyone starts hitting dives! Cara with a HUGE crossbody! Sin Cara takes out everybody and heads north with Bryan! SPANISH FLY! The fans are going nuts! Barrett drills Cara with a boot, takes off the top of the Spanish announcer’s table AND builds a ladder bridge from the apron to the announcer’s table! We’re already getting “Punk” chants, and this match is ruling. Back inside, Sheamus kills Cara with the Brogue Kick and they end up on the apron! POWERBOMB FROM THE APRON THROUGH THE LADDER! SIIIIIICK! Doctors are out to help Cara as Sheamus continues his assault. Sin’s getting the gurney treatment as Kane beats on Sheamus on the floor. Eerie calm from the crowd now. Rhodes & Bryan trade shots, but Kane drops them both with a ladder and sets up a HUGE one to grab the briefcase. The Corre come together to stop him though, as they turn their attention to everyone else. Now it’s just those three and Barrett says he’s the one who’s climbing. Barrett almost gets to the top before his “friends” change their mind, tossing him outside. They then climb together and Rhodes drops them both! Cross Rhodes to Slater! Same to Barrett! He climbs, but Sheamus stops him and hits the Irish Curse. Now Sheamus climbs and Bryan stops him. Daniel is on Sheamus’s shoulders and Kane’s up top! DOOMSDAY DEVICE! Bryan looks hurt badly. Sheamus now sets up a ladder bridge between the ropes and the ladder standing in the ring! KANE CHOKESLAMS EVERYONE! He climbs to the top but Bryan stops him! The crowd chants for Bryan like crazy! Kane eats Wasteland from Barrett and a crazy 450 Splash from Gabriel! Bryan stops Slater from climbing but he eats Sweetness off the ladder!  Barrett crotches Slater on the top, drops Sheamus and grabs ANOTHER ladder! Sheamus Brogue Kick’s a ladder into Barrett’s face and sets one on the top rope. He hits Gabriel with snake eyes on the ladder and climbs up for the briefcase but Kane stops him! Chokeslam off the ladder onto a ladder that doesn’t even BUDGE. This match won’t end! Now it’s Bryan on top! Barrett interferes though, and is teasing Wasteland on the ladder! MMA ELBOWS TO BARRETT! INSANE, STIFF KICK TO HIS FACE! SOMEONE PINCH ME! Daniel Bryan is your 2011 Smackdown Money in the Bank winner! I mean…seriously…did that just happen?! I could NEVER, in good conscience, give this a fair review. The king of the indies just got himself a guaranteed title shot. I cannot recommend this highly enough: crazy high spots, solid story-telling and an incredible ending in an incredible atmosphere.

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2. Divas Title: Kelly Kelly© vs. Brie Bella

K-Double hits a headscissors and tackles the Bella’s on the floor. She then hits the floor hard and Nikki gets in a cheap shot. Back inside, Brie covers for two and locks on a body lock. Brie gets another close two and continues to work over Kelly’s midsection. Kelly Hulk’s up and drops Brie with a neckbreaker for two. They trade reversals and Kelly hits a sloppy bulldog for two. Brie comes back with…something…for two of her own. Kelly hits K2 for the win. Now we can move one! Yay!

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3. Grudge Match: The Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It starts with a brawl and Show hits a HUGE flying shoulder tackle. Cole rattles off more strange, meaningless physical stats as Show runs down Henry on the floor once again. Show teases a chokeslam on the Spanish table, which somehow survived the ladder match. The two trade big moves around the ringside area and, back inside, Henry takes Show’s knees out from under him. He keeps laying boots to Show and working over Show’s knee. He locks on a nasty single leg crab but Show eventually gets to the ropes. Henry splashes Show into the corner. He goes for another but Show gets a foot up…and heads to the second rope! SHOULDER TACKLE! He hurt his knee but he calls for the chokeslam. Henry kicks away at the knee though and hits the World’s Strongest Slam! 1…2…NO! Show kicks out. He tries to drag Show to his feet…and hits another slam! Running Big Splash! And another! 1…2…3! Henry is victorious and he continues his assault, grabbing a chair and putting in over Show’s foot! VADER BOMB ONTO THE CHAIR! Show is writhing in pain and tells the medical assistant that it’s his ankle. The gurney returns once again! ALL HAIL GURNEY! Yeah, that may work on Cara but not a big dude like Show. They bring out the injury cart. It takes FOREVER. The match was pretty good I guess, and the finish was big enough for me. It made both guys look strong and Henry a really credible title contender.

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~ Vince McMahon cuts a promo with John Lauranitis in the background, talking about the fact that CM Punk cannot be negotiated with and that this is all John Cena’s fault for not letting him fire Punk when he had a chance.

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4. Raw MITB Ladder Match: Mysterio vs. Del Rio vs. Kingston vs. Riley vs. Truth vs. Miz vs. Bourne vs. Swagger

Everyone sort of grabs their own ladder on the way in, kind of like a DIY Ladder Match. Truth  grabs a really tiny one and seems just fine with this. Seriously, everyone has a ladder. Everyone sandwiches Del Rio with ladder and now they all toss their ladders on him on the outside. It ends up with Truth versus Miz in a battle of tiny ladders. Bourne and Kofi do some teaming and…good God. A lot is happening. Riley tries to climb but his ladder is too small and he’s met by Miz. Riley gets rid of him and dives out onto Swagger! Truth does a bizarre dance and dives out, too! Mysterio and Kofi dive! Bourne climbs the ladder on the outside! AIR BOURNE TO EVERYBODY! Bourne is back in with a properly-sized ladder but Miz stops him. They battle and Del Rio drops them both, with Miz landing hard on his leg. Del Rio climbs but Truth stops him and climbs himself. Mysterio and Bourne climb over them both and hit huge huracanranas! Kofi leapfrogs over Swagger onto the ladder but Swagger locks on the ankle lock, dragging him back down. Riley climbs and Swagger meets him but Truth knocks them down and battles Mysterio. They do some nutty stuff with a ladder on the second rope, with Kofi hitting him with a double jump Boom Boom Leg Drop off of the ladder. Kofi tries to place a ladder and Rey 619’s him in the face! He hits Truth as well! Now, Rey & Riley battle on top and everyone is setting up ladders! They’re all reaching for it! Del Rio is tossed! Swagger goes. Bourne is pushed to the outside from a ladder! Riley takes a nasty fall. Truth and Mysterio are tossed! Kofi’s alone…but Swagger runs up and stops him! They both take a disgusting fall and Miz is back! HE’S ALL ALONE! No! Mysterio interferes with a sunset flip bomb. Mysterio climbs but Del Rio stops him. Briefcase shots to Del Rio…but he swipes Mysterio’s mask! MYSTERIO’S MASK IS OFF! ALL THE LADDERS JUST F***ING CRUMBLE FOR NO REAL REASON! Del Rio resets, climbs and retrieves the briefcase! Alberto Del Rio is Raw’s 2011 Mr. Money in the Bank! This was not nearly as cool as Smackdown’s match and was insanely sloppy at times, but it was a really fun ride nonetheless. Crowd was a little out of it, too. Kick-ass pay-per-view so far.

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~ Alberto Del Rio is interviewed backstage, saying he is not only #1 Contender but now he has an automatic championship shot. He says that a briefcase is not destiny, just a formality. His real destiny is winning the WWE Title.

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5. World Heavyweight Title: Randy Orton© vs. Christian

Remember: if Orton is disqualified or there’s a bad officiating move in favor of Orton, Christian goes directly to Go and collects his World Heavyweight Title. Good God, Orton gets a mega pop. The bell rings and Christian immediately bails, grabbing a chair and tossing it to Orton. He turns his back and waits, but Randy tosses it away. Orton beats the snot out of Christian from the start but he’s tossed outside. Around the ring, Orton sends Christian into the ringpost and rolls him back inside. Orton goes for a kick but Christian counters and hits a second rope uppercut. Crowd is now, bizarrely, on Christian’s side. The former champ wails away with punches to Randy’s head. He chokes Orton into the ropes and drops him with a big spinebuster. 1…2…Orton kicks out. Christian has had enough, calling for the Killswitch, bit Orton clotheslines himself and his opponent to the outside. Back in, they trade big reversals and Orton gets a jackknife cover for two. Orton goes for the Hangman’s DDT but Christian counters. He goes for a crossbody but Orton counters with a dropkick! 1…2…Christian kicks out. Orton and Christian go to the top and goes for the Superplex, but Christian pushes him off! Diving headbutt! 1…2…Orton kicks out! Orton comes back with the Viper Series but Christian counters into the Killswitch! He hit it! 1…2…NO! ORTON KICKS OUT! Christian is furious and calls for the Spear, but Orton dodges! ELEVATED NECKBREAKER! 1…2…Christian kicks out! Powerslam to Christian, followed by the Hangman’s DDT! He calls for the RKO and…Christian spit in his face! Orton is furious! He wails on Christian and hits a low blow! Oh man! The ref disqualifies Orton! Christian is your NEW World Heavyweight Champion! Afterwards, Orton goes crazy, obliterating Christian and drilling him with a sick RKO onto the Spanish announcer’s table, which doesn’t break! Orton heads to the ramp but he is not done! He heads back and drags Christian up again…ANOTHER RKO ON THE TABLE! Again, it does not budge. That’s quite a resilient table! Orton looks like a mental patient right now. He finally leaves to a chorus of crazed cheers…or does he?! Like every other match they’ve had, this was really great. The finish was kind of expected, so I wasn’t disappointed. The aftermath, however, was dripping with rage and awesomeness. The entire package was just as satisfying as their previous encounters, which seems like it may continue.

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6. WWE Title: John Cena© vs. CM Punk

No matter what, Punk is quitting after this match. For Cena, if Punk walks out as champion, he is fired. This crowd is ferocious right now. Ana amazing aerial shot covers the arena as Punk enters to one of the biggest non-Mania pops you’ll hear in modern wrestling. This is the biggest reaction for a superstar since the Attitude days. They’d be insane not to capitalize on it now. No mustache tonight. Colt Cabana is apparently at ringside, by the way. Punk goes out to kiss a family member and continues to rile up this crowd in anticipation for…THE CHAMP! HE’S HERE…TO A VOLCANIC ERRUPTION OF HEAT! Holy God is that mighty. Punk is at ringside, mocking Cena with Cabana and the third Second City Saint, Ace Steel! The old gang’s all here. Both men are announced and the match gets underway. They lock up and Cena gets the advantage. I seriously can’t express how loud this building is. Cena ducks an early kick as “You Can’t Wrestle” chants rain down. Cena locks on an armbar and they get to their feet, with Cena taking Punk down with a shouldertackle. The ladies and kids are finally getting a small Cena chant in, but the boys are drowning them out pretty damn well. Cena goes for his Superman Series but Punk hits a hip toss, dropkick and a grounded headlock. Punk takes down Cena with a shouldertackle and they trade finishers before retreating to their corners. Punk drops Cena with a few kicks and stomps away at him in the corner. Cena hits his running bulldog for two and hits a HARD clothesline for two more. Punk backdrops his way out of a headlock and covers for two. Cena corners Punk and hits his release fisherman suplex. 1…2…Punk kicks out. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster but Punk plants him with a DDT. 1…2…Cena kicks out and is locked into a submission. Colt Cabana awesomely gets yet another chant as Punk tosses Cena outside. Punk pulls outside and hits a sick second rope knee to the head of Cena as the Saints cheer him on. Back inside, Punk misses a corner spear and runs shoulder-first into the steel post. Cena tries to lock on the STF but again Punk fights him off. Cena eats a corner boot and Punk nails him with a springboard splash! 1…2…Cena kicks out. They battle with Cena on the apron and Punk on the inside. CENA SUPLEXES PUNK FROM THE INSIDE TO THE FLOOR! YIKES! Cena drags him inside and covers for two. An elbow drop gets John another two. They trade reversals and Cena inexplicably counters out of the Attitude Adjuster and hits a side version of the AA. 1…2…Punk kicks out. They trade punches and Cena applies an abdominal stretch. Punk battles out and a double clothesline puts both men down. Punk counters the fist drop with a kick, sending Cena outside. SUICIDE DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE! Punk misses a dive, Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and he goes for the AA. Punk counters and hits a series of kicks for two. Cena counters the Go to Sleep into a gutwrench suplex for two and he goes for the AA once again. Punk counters with two knee strikes and a bulldog!  FLYING CLOTHESLINE! 1…2…Cena kicks out! They show replays of the knee strikes and they are SICK. Punk peppers Cena with kicks…but John counters into the STF! Punk may tap out! Punk grabs the ropes and the crowd roars in relief. Cena drags him up but Punk hits a roundhouse to the skull!  1…2…Cena kicks out again! Punk slowly climbs to the top rope and tries a crossbody, but Cena counters! Punk counters and tries the GTS! CENA COUNTERS INTO THE STF! Punk is in trouble, and Cena drags him back to the center of the ring! PUNK COUNTERS INTO THE ANACONDA VICE! Cena struggles but finally gets to his feet…ATTITUDE ADJUSTER TO PUNK! 1…2…NO! PUNK KICKS OUT! Shocked, Cena heads to the top rope for a leg drop, but Punk counters into a powerbomb! 1…2…Cena kicks out yet again! Punk calls for the GTS, but Cena fight out again and heads back up. TOP ROPE LEG DROP! 1…2…Punk kicks out again! Cena looks to finally end this with another Attitude Adjustment…and he connects! 1…2…PUNK KICKS OUT OF A SECOND ATTITUDE ADJUSTER! Cena drags Punk up to the top rope, seemingly out of ideas. He’s calling for a Super AA…but Punk fights out with MMA elbows! Frankensteiner! Limping knee strike! GO TO SLEEP…but Cena falls out of the ring! Punk has to drag Cena inside and…Vince McMahon & Johnny Ace come out! Punk is distracted and is locked in the STF! Ace calls for the bell but Cena decks him! He wants to win this on his own! Cena rolls back inside…AND EATS THE GO TO SLEEP! 1…2…3! HE DID IT! CM Punk is the NEW WWE Champion! Vince McMahon is furious, calling on Alberto Del Rio to get out here and cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase! He comes running out…and eats a roundhouse kick! ADR never got a chance to cash in! Punk leaves through the crowd, blowing a kiss to Vinnie Mac as he exits with the most coveted prize in sports entertainment wrestling by his side! This was the most epic non-Mania match I have ever witnessed in the WWE. Kudos to every single thing here, from the crowd to the fake Screwjob brilliance to both men who wrestled the damn thing. THIS is wrestling.

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Overall Thoughts

Buy this! NOW! This is the kind of wrestling that we, The Fans™, have been clamoring for. So now us Fans have to stand up and then immediately sit back down, ordering this PPV with our promised moneys. Still not convinced? Did you honestly skip right to the Overall Thoughts section? Here’s the lowdown: a fantastic, well-told Ladder Match, an even more fantastic, just as well-told Ladder Match, an awesome World Heavyweight Title match with one helluva post-match beating and the best main event the WWE has put on since Dwayne’s first name was still The…maybe longer. Don’t worry about the run-of-the-mill Divas Match or the fairly basic Henry/Show contest. They were the shortest two matches on the show, and they came back-to-back. Just go make a sandwich during that time. Or fast forward it. Or whatever. My point is this: the WWE got an ENTIRE pay-per-view spot on. This is what we’ve been begging for all millennium. Time to throw our cash at it.

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As always, I apologize for any typos or Freudian slips that made anything in this write-up either hard to read or uncomfortable to reflect upon. I am a poor typer with an overactive mind. Sometimes, things just don’t come out right. Forgive me…or inevitably perish with unnecessary judgment congesting your very soul. The choice is yours.

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About Justin Houston

Justin Houston, born in a place many years ago, had parents who did stuff. He was raised in a house with a dog. He went to school and had friends probably. Then he moved because of a bridge or something. The boardwalk had a nice pier and a cockatoo that said "pretty bird!". Then he moved. All the water in the lake dried up and the fishes learned to dance. Then they forgot how. He ate lots of fish. Then he moved. Now he lives near Atlanta, GA, where he has been featured in the Atlanta Film Festival and recently did a tasteful spread for Maxim. He discovered puroresu in late 2005 and began a prolonged physical relationship with it. He then found out about Chikara Pro in early 2006 and fell in a smelly, brown puddle of love. He writes Pushing Puroresu, CHIKARMY Insider, and does Chikara DVD reviews because he enjoys the creative freedom, the melodic, ego-fueling sound of his own words, and because he was very politely asked to write them. He hopes this will lead to a full-time gig as one of the Fly Girls, but seeing as In Living Color has been off the air for over a decade, he's not sure how well that'll work. He'll probably be moving soon.

One comment

  1. Absolutely incredible show. I was a big fan of Extreme Rules this year, and this surpassed that in style. I am still wow-ed over it.

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