Wednesday , 23 April 2014
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The CHIKARMY Insider Exhibit! (Full Rundown of Next Weekend’s Shows)

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CHIKARMY Insider is up and at them once again! In my last column, I threw a bunch of numbers at you, vaguely determining who I thought might have the best chance at winning Young Lions Cup IX. My predictions were…not altogether accurate. People can come up with statistics to prove anything, reader. 14% of people know that. For those still terribly confused as to how my amazing method failed me, I must admit that last week’s percentages were not the product of an advanced adding machine. Also, and I can’t believe I still have to type this: I have zero inside information for you. It’s all lies. But they’re entertaining lies, and in the end isn’t that the real truth? The answer is no. This week, I cover Chikara’s huge return to Massachusetts and New York, where we’ll see a plethora of grudge matches, four more 12 Large: Summit contests and Chikara’s first tag title match in over six months! Then, we move on to a new Afterthoughts, where I’ll explain some of the changes in the column as well as changes in my personal life and some future plans in the works. If you follow me on Twitter, you know I recently mentioned a big announcement on the horizon. Well, I figure now’s as good a time as any to spill! Read on, faithful follower! (Non-faithful followers are also welcome to read on.)

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Chikara’s Upcoming Schedule

September 18th – Martyr Yourself to Caution – Manhattan, NY

September 17th – Odyssey of the Twelfth Talisman – Brockton, MA

October 7th – Small But Mighty – Burlington, NC

October 8th – Klunk in Love – Kingsport, TN

October 29th – No Safety in Numbers – Reading, PA

October 30th – Maiden Flight of the Great Condor – Williamsport, PA

November 12th – Cibernetico: The Animated Series – Easton, PA

November 13th – High Noon (iPPV) – Philadelphia, PA

December 2nd – JoshiMania (Night 1) – Philadelphia, PA

December 3rd – JoshiMania (Night 2) – Everett, MA

December 4th – JoshiMania (Night 3) – Manhattan, NY

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Young Lions Cup IX, the thirteen-match, one night epic is now out on DVD! Having to condense two nights of action into one thanks to a looming hurricane, Chikara put on three 12 Large: Summit tournament matches, several first time ever contests and seven YLC tourney matches to crown a new Young Lions Cup champion! Despite this being a larger than normal event, Smart Mark is still selling it for only $15, which is an absolute steal when you consider the talent and work involved. Order it today!

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Previously…at CHIKARA

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Don’t believe what you see in the Roster section of the Chikara Pro site: Sara Del Rey is not a member of the BDK anymore. After beating Claudio Castagnoli in Philadelphia to vault to the top of the 12 Large: Summit standings, Del Rey and ally Daizee Haze were savagely beaten by an irate Claudio. Haze is still out of wrestling due to a vicious chokeslam so Del Rey took it upon herself to announce that she & Daizee had resigned from the Bruderschaft. Ares, leader of the BDK, was…less than pleased. “Who do you think you are, Sara?!?!” he wrote on the Chikara Blog, “Let me refresh your memory. Two years ago, you were a nobody. You were wrestling in unimportant matches against unimportant opponents, with no prospect of getting anywhere. And it was me and my Bruderschaft des Kreuzes, that took you in and gave you purpose. We showed you the meaning of fighting for a greater cause. And might I add, you liked it. For the first time in a long while, your existence was one of significance again, and you were, though secretly, bathing in your newfound success. Some had questioned me, when I allowed you and Daizee, two women, into the Bruderschaft. It is called a Brotherhood for a reason, after all. Maybe they were right. They never saw the potential that I saw in you. You have failed me. You have failed the Bruderschaft. But worry not, the Bruderschaft is fine, and better than ever. As usual, we will deal with this stumbling block in a swift and effective way. In Massachusetts, you will understand why I took the name of the god of war.”

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Though there is much animosity and personal hatred between Mike Quackenbush, one half of the current Campeones de Parejas, and Icarus, a former Campeon, King of Trios winner and student of Quack, when they meet in Brockton on September 17th, they will also be battling for the top spot in Block A on the 12 Large: Summit. Quack and Ick, along with Hallowicked & Sara Del Rey, are tied at four points in the tourney. Hallowicked holds victories over Quackenbush & Del Rey though, so he is technically in the lead. A win here for either man will, at least temporarily, break that tie and establish a new top dog in the tournament.

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With losses to Eddie Kingston and Fire Ant in the 12 Large: Summit, Jigsaw is all but out of the tourney to crown the very first Grand Champion of Chikara Pro. However, he is not above playing the spoiler to a low-life opportunist like Vin Gerard. The former UnStable leader has one loss in the tournament, as do UltraMantis Black and Fire Ant. They are all chasing Eddie Kingston, the Block B leader and only man in the tourney with six points and an undefeated record. Whether he was answering Claudio’s call for someone to take Eddie out or he’s just trying to eliminate the perceived toughest Block B opponent, Vin has been trying injure King since the tourney began, running in before, during and after matches. In Eddie’s most recent 12 Large contest, Gerard once again tried to interfere. This time, however, Jigsaw met him with a thunderous superkick, ensuring a fair fight between himself and Kingston. It’ll take a lot of luck for Jigsaw to end up in the finals of this tournament, but it starts by getting past Gerard.

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Tim Donst has had a rough year. He’s been on five different multi-man BDK squads, and all five have met untimely demises. He tried to lead a team into King of Trios but he did not come close to matching the success of the BDK’s team from the previous year. He set the record for fastest loss ever in a Chikara ring and hasn’t seen the inside of one since June. He has lead Tursas and Jakob Hammermeier into battle before, losing to Da Soul Touchaz at The Case of the Bulletproof Waldo in Chicago. Donst will get an opportunity to make up for a year of failure when he takes on the very team that eliminated him from this year’s Trios. The very team that ended up winning the whole tournament. Donst will attempt to rid the BDK of the perpetual thorns in their side: Fire Ant, Soldier Ant & Green Ant! The Colony hasn’t lost a trios match since February, notching SEVEN trios wins over the last six months. Donst will do whatever it takes to earn favor in the eyes of Ares & Claudio, but The Colony, without a weak link now that Green Ant has blossomed into a true warrior, may just be unbeatable.

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The Rey de Voladores, Chikara’s tourney-within-a-tourney that takes place during Trios weekend, has yielded five winners with five very distinctive backgrounds. In fact, in a promotion known for its worldly influences and ambitions, the RDV may possess its most uniquely international list of champions. Only two of the winners have been and are now roster members, and they will do battle in Massachusetts. Chuck Taylor was the tourney first winner, back when it was its own event and not a much-anticipated part of Trios weekend. He’s got a huge tag team title match the next night with partner and F.I.S.T. friend Johnny Gargano, too. (See Below) Ophidian won the 2009 version of RDV, besting Tough Enough castoff Matt Cross in the finals. It’s been a rough year for the Osirian Portal, with Amasis’s career still in jeopardy, Hieracon’s been sent abroad by Director Wink after losing five matches in a little over a month and Ophidian is still without a single win in the 12 Large: Summit. Like Taylor, Ophidian has a big night following this one, against Sara Del Rey in the 12 large. With the fortunes of both men seemingly headed in opposite directions, both will look to score a big win and carry the momentum into the next night, where the stakes will be significantly raised.

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Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton haven’t had much luck against Obariyon, Kodama and the rest of The Dark Army. During the King of Trios (Night 3) Gauntlet Tag, The Batiri basically cost The Throwbacks three points and any chance to cash them in. Obariyon & Kodama would again beat Dasher & Sugar a month later, and, teaming with Kobald and Matt Classic respectively, The ‘Backs were dealt another loss. This is a big weekend for The Throwbacks, who could walk away with a title shot after all is said and done. However, they have to get past the Batiri first.

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Much like Taylor & Ophidian, Marshe Rockett and Johnny Gargano have bigger fish to fry the following night. Gargano has the aforementioned tag title match and Rockett has some personal business to take care of with the leader of the Bruderschaft. However, a win for Gargano could mean a future Young Lions Cup shot and a win for Rockett could…uh…jelly beans.

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Chikara has put on many o’ Showcase matches in the past. At King of Trios 2009 (Night 2), both the Lethal Wrestling Alliance and Inter Species Wrestling got showcase matches. Needless to say, the one from ISW was met with much less vitriol. This year, CLASH Wrestling put on a showcase at Chikara’s Chicago return show. Now, it’s the entire New England area getting to show their stuff. The team of Doug Summers, Amber, JT Dunn & Da Hoodz will take on Todd Sople, Triplelicious, Buddy Romano & The Minute Men. I don’t know any of these people, but if past showcase matches are any indication, this will be a wrestling match held in a venue full of human beings.

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After pinning The Colony and Incoherence in tag bouts the month prior, Chuck Taylor & Johnny Gargano wandered out from the back in Philadelphia during Night 2 of C-Rex II: King of Sequel. They were looking for some opponents so they could earn themselves a third point and future title shot. They got more than they bargained for when Atlantis & Rey Bucanero came out to answer, but they still managed to notch the win, earning themselves a date to face Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw. Due to injuries, the 12 Large: Summit and there being no teams available to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas, QuackenSaw haven’t defended the tag titles in half a year. Despite being two of Chikara’s most exciting tag teams, QuackenSaw and F.I.S.T. aka Ronin aka The Electric Gentlemen have never faced one another in a tag match. Gargano’s barely even shared a ring with Jigsaw. For this reason, along with the distraction of the Grand Championship tournament and the injuries Quack & Jig suffered and still suffer though, it makes the outcome of this match very unclear. If Jigsaw and Quackenbush aren’t on their game in Manhattan, there could be a second F.I.S.T. squad in the record books as Campeones.

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Though all the 12 Large: Summit talk is about “The War King”, a win here for Fire Ant would put him at the top of the Block B standings! Though Eddie Kingston still leads with six points, the leader of the Ants is right behind him with four. The dubya would give him six and the tiebreaker over the heavily-favored King. They have never faced each other one on one either; they’ve been in two Battle Royals together, as well as a Cibernetico match, a six man tag and a very memorable eight-man pitting Hallowicked & The Colony against Eddie and his BLKOUT cohorts. Both men was watch their backs though, as Vin Gerard has been running amok in the B Block, constantly interfering in Eddie’s matches. While Block A is still very much in disarray with four people tied at the top, a win here for Kingston and another loss for Gerard ensures that “The Last of a Dying Breed” will be heading to the finals.

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Though they too have never met one on one, former BDK member Sara Del Rey and current Osirian Portal member Ophidian have a lot of history together. When Del Rey and partner Daizee Haze turned on the Chikara locker room at the end of 2009, they did so under the impression that they would be getting some meatier opposition. When the 2010 season began, they were granted just that: a tag match against The Portal. It was there in Philly where the ladies of the Bruderschaft first showed their new sadistic shades, obliterating Ophidian with a piledriver / Bridging German Suplex combo that would lay waste to many other Chikara teams that year. They’d meet again at last year’s King of Trios…but as partners. After Team Mexico got lost in their own egos, replacements need to be found to face Claudio Castagnoli, Ares & Tursas. This brought out Bryce Remsberg and The Hat™, where they randomly drew Amasis & Ophidian as part of the makeshift team. As Bryce was going to draw another name, new Director of Fun and BDK crony Dieter VonSteigerwalt brought out a new hat and “randomly” chose Del Rey as their partner. She worked against them the whole match, finally costing them the contest and allowing her teammates to destroy poor Ophidian with the Ragnarok. Though Del Rey has since left the BDK, Ophidian has surely not forgotten these events, and, though he is nearly out of the tourney, will look to play spoiler and stop Del Rey’s momentum from carrying her to the finals.

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Finally, the war between Sinn Bodhi and UltraMantis Black comes to an end in New York, the site of the most humiliating moment in Mantis’s career. In March, the former Kizarny destroyed Mantis, tearing his mask to shreds and bloodying him beyond recognition. Now, in their final battle, Bodhi will bring his minions Obariyon, Kobald and Kodama to face Mantis’s Spectral Envoy of Frightmare, Hallowicked and…a mystery teammate. Needless to say, speculation has run rampant. Is it Crossbones back from injury? Hydra, despite being banished? Delirious…somehow? Blind Rage?! Rorschach?!?! IS IT NATHAN JONES?!?!?! AHHHH!!!! Mantis had this to say on the Chikara Blog: “This business between us must end. So Sinn, I am giving you one more opportunity to share a wrestling ring with me. Right back where we left off – in New York City. Be sure you have your entire Dark Army in tow. Because I am bringing some allies of my own. Surely you are familiar with my Spectral Envoy. Two of the mightiest warriors CHIKARA has ever seen. They will join me in this fight. As will another.  You see, I have many allies in this cosmic universe. Some reside in the darkest corners of mankind’s nightmares. Some deep beyond terra firma. I even have allies in low places – Sky Low Low places, if you will.  The question is….which of these many loyal soldiers will be accompanying me on the 18th of September? Who will join me in driving you out of CHIKARA once and for all? You won’t have to wait long, Sinn.”

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Having split their singles series at one win a piece, Icarus and Gregory Iron will meet once again, though it’s expected to be more tense and hate-filled than ever. The F.I.S.T. front man has consistently made light of Iron’s cerebral palsy, but he cross the line when posting this on the Chikara Blog: “With the right label someone the masses shouldn’t care about suddenly becomes a courageous man of valor. No one looks twice at the short kid with a bad haircut. This master of deceit knew this. He knew no one loved him or cared about whoever he was as a person. So what did he do, he spun a web of lies and heartache. He spun his web like Charlotte and the masses came to cheer the vile pig as he rolled in his own filth showered with your love and acceptance. To sum it up I look to my compadre Alexandre Dumas for a quote: ‘Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks in the next. What makes you a man is what you do when the storm comes.’ My advice to you, Mr. Iron is this: the storm is coming, you’ve basked in the sun long enough and I am coming to smash you upon the rocks. I am coming to expose your lie to the masses as quickly as you spread it. I, Icarus, seeker of truth, will expose you for the fraud you are and show the world how you deceived them about your ‘cerebral palsy.’ Unless of course, you’re willing to come forth, admit your delusory fable and accept the public’s disdain and derision. Admit it!” Iron, infuriated by such a perverse accusation, responded on said Blog with a wonderful, informative monologue about cerebral palsy followed by a warning for the Ick Man: “I am just as passionate about professional wrestling as any other guy at CHIKARA, and you are going to find that out firsthand. “The Handicapped Hero” is 100% real. You need to face the reality that a man with C.P. beat you fair and square.  And in NYC, I’m going to do it again, just to shut you up.”

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Matt & Nick Jackson made triumphant returns to Chikara at Young Lions Cup IX, earning a surprising point towards a title shot after beating The Batiri. Now they’ll get a shot at point number two in their New York debut, but they’ll have to join the ranks of Chikara elite in the never-ending war against the BDK. Most special guests in Chikara are not tasked with hopping into battle against the nefarious Bruderschaft, but The Young Bucks will have to get past Tim Donst & Tursas if they ever want to earn a shot at the Campeonatos.

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“Finally, DST got it done!” Marshe Rockett posted on the Chikara Blog. He will be facing Ares in a grudge match and, well…he sums up the grudge rather nicely. “After months of travel, days of waiting, and hours of constant planning, we put the BDK down for the count. And in our home town to boot! Despite all their distractions, interference, and countless cheating ways, the BDK have finally found out that they are not – nor have they ever been – a match for Windy City’s most charismatic trio! And it was that much sweeter having C.Red there to enjoy the moment. Now I know that while all seems well for DST after that huge win, for me personally, there is more to do. For you see, there is one BDK member who has managed to stay off the radar lately. He is also the one member whom I have been itching for the chance to face more than all the rest. The mastermind behind this pack of vipers known as the BDK. That serpent’s name is Ares. Now I know he has probably been thinking that he has gotten out of the beating he is owed, but I’m here to tell him he’s greatly mistaken. When I make I promise, I KEEP IT!!! I promised that his foot soldiers could run but they couldn’t hide. I promised the BDK when they came to Chi-town they were in for a fight, and they were. I promised that when the dust settled and the smoke cleared, DST would be the ones that are left standing. And now I have another promise to make: Ares, you can’t escape me. You are the one that gave the order, and because of you, Da Soul Touchaz have never been the same. Watching Red and Dymond being carried out in Philly…that’s an image fresh in my mind. As fast as you think you are, I’m faster. As smart as you think you are, I’m smarter. And as good you might be in that ring, I’m better! I will not rest until the man responsible is in a world of hurt, and Ares, I’m a man who keeps his promises. When our match is all over, you will know firsthand why I’m called “Mr. M-80“!

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With Fire Ant currently wrapped up in the 12 Large: Summit, Soldier Ant & Green Ant will look to start a golden path of their own when they take on Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton in a first time ever tag match. Soldier and Greenie have only tagged together once. It was Night 3 of Young Lions Cup VII in an Elimination Tag Match. Of course, that match is better known as the very first appearance of The Man in White, but it was also Green Ant’s second ever match. He was on the receiving end of a Praying Mantis Bomb and a three count. Since then, he’s tagged with Fire Ant on three occasions, including once in EVOLVE. All three matches saw The Colony fall in the end. He will look to turn his tag luck around against The Throwbacks, who could be entering this match just one win away from a future title shot.

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Okay, so you’ve probably already noticed a couple of changes in the column here. Truth is, I’ve been on the fence about abandoning my Insider post for some time now. I’m living with my girlfriend, her best friend and her BF’s three year old daughter now, so my responsibilities and priorities have changed, not forcefully but by my own volition. It’s not a matter of circumstance but rather preference: I’ve got a family I love spending time with. As the scant residuals from the hours of work it takes to make this column dwindled, I found myself much less interested in writing about wrestling in general, evidenced by my outright neglect of Chikara DVD Reviews. I don’t enjoy anything about writing them, and I found myself not watching some Chikara shows because I didn’t want to feel guilty about not reviewing them. Honestly, the thing that keeps me doing this is that I love talking with readers, love working with all the awesome guys on the PWP staff and the satisfaction of writing about something I truly care about. So I spoke with Kevin extemporaneously about it and then talked in-depth with Jerome. Here’s basically what’s going to happen:

*** I’ll still be doing this column, but in a smaller capacity. It always takes me a while to compile my Chikara results on the night they happen, but Mr. GST is the go-to results guy and can get them up faster. Therefore, I won’t be doing results columns anymore. There’s just no need. Chris has got it covered.

*** Columns will go up the Sunday before every set of Chikara shows, hyping whatever matches are announced, covering news, announcements and whatever general shenanigans I feel like. Basically it means that there will be no more in-between event columns other than for big stuff, like running down teams during Trios or entrants in the YLC. Funny enough, my new job (if I officially land it) could make it much easier to write my columns, so I might end up going back on this. It’s not likely, but who knows.

*** Sad to say, no more event banners. I originally did them so that I could stand out from other columns and because Chikara’s were either crappy or nonexistent. Now that they’re on their game with the banners, I feel comfortable using them here. The banners were, like, my favorite thing to create…but they took days and days to complete. I have no Photoshop training, so everything I do takes forever. In the end, I just can’t make time for them anymore. The first one I did was for Young Lions Cup VII and YLC9, a tribute to Larry Sweeney, was the last. Seemed as good a time as any.

*** Onto the bigger stuff: how I’ll be doing DVD Reviews in the future. Our YouTube page is looking a little scant these days, eh? Well, I’ve got myself a nice webcam on the way and plan on starting Video Reviews of Chikara DVD very soon. I’ll be uploading them to both PWP’s account and my personal one, DeepAndMeaningless. I’ll be doing some extra videos on my personal account, too. Jerome would also like to see review vids of WWE PPV Reviews but…ehhhh. Speaking of which…

*** This isn’t Chikara-related, but I ain’t doing these damn WWE PPV Reviews anymore. I’ve had a lot of people tell me, “WWE has been great this year. Why the hate?” It’s not really about that. The WWE really has been great and I’ve watched some awesome PPVs. It’s just that my wrestling plate is rather full. Look, if I eat twelve delicious slices of pizza, someone asks me if I want a burger and I say no, it doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like burgers. Burgers are great! Slice of cheese, some veggies, thick bacon, a modest…I’m getting sidetracked. And hungry. It’s the same with DVD Reviews: sometimes, I just want to enjoy a product without having to look down every three seconds to type more stuff.

So that’s just about it. Thank you for reading my long-winded, self-serving diatribe. Now I want to quell any doubts that I’ve fallen out of love with wrestling. The fact is, I love it more than ever. I watch every Dragon Gate Infinity episode as soon as it comes out. I rarely miss RAW. I plan on tearing through C-Rex II weekend and YLC9 as soon as I possibly can. I saw ROH and DGUSA live this year and I had a blast at all four shows. Still need more proof? Remember that “big announcement” that I needlessly over-hyped?

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My girlfriend and I can’t wait! As always, thanks so much for reading my silly column, listening to our podcasts and supporting PWPonderings.

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Please leave any comments or questions you might have and I’ll do my best to respond with as many Mongolian throat songs as I can conjure. I’d like to do a contest or something cool like that, but I’m not sure how much interest there’d be. Let your voice be heard! Also, let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the column, like fantasy booking, treasure hunts, wish-lists, secret handshakes, etc.

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About Justin Houston

Justin Houston, born in a place many years ago, had parents who did stuff. He was raised in a house with a dog. He went to school and had friends probably. Then he moved because of a bridge or something. The boardwalk had a nice pier and a cockatoo that said "pretty bird!". Then he moved. All the water in the lake dried up and the fishes learned to dance. Then they forgot how. He ate lots of fish. Then he moved. Now he lives near Atlanta, GA, where he has been featured in the Atlanta Film Festival and recently did a tasteful spread for Maxim. He discovered puroresu in late 2005 and began a prolonged physical relationship with it. He then found out about Chikara Pro in early 2006 and fell in a smelly, brown puddle of love. He writes Pushing Puroresu, CHIKARMY Insider, and does Chikara DVD reviews because he enjoys the creative freedom, the melodic, ego-fueling sound of his own words, and because he was very politely asked to write them. He hopes this will lead to a full-time gig as one of the Fly Girls, but seeing as In Living Color has been off the air for over a decade, he's not sure how well that'll work. He'll probably be moving soon.

3 comments

  1. I hope the mystery partner is Crossbones SO MUCH.

  2. Thank god you are finally going to a Chikara show. It is the best feeling in the world. By the Way did you see the “6:30 belltime and the doors open at 7:00″
    As for the column reduction, it is understandable. I had to give up writing for the site because I was horrible at managing schoolwork and fun stuff (plus I ran out of things to write about).

    Good Luck and I hope you get the job.

  3. Finally you get to go to a Chikara show. Hope it’s as much fun as the ROH/DGUSA shows you went to. SDR/Kana should be great live.

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