This week: It’s almost Christmas. Which can mean only one thing. That’s right, the weird combination of presenting fake awards, honouring troops and people using tables, ladders and chairs as props! The Slammys, a three hour, introspective, retrospective show honouring WWE and which ensured that one Diddy song would be stuck in your head for days. Followed by Tribute To The Troops, a two hour show honouring other people. All leading to TLC, a show where people bash each other with weapons. Dramatic changes of tone, ahoy! Plus, Tribute To The Dudes, Masked Kane, Road Dogg, Maria Menounos, a lowrider bike, an NXT love triangle and JR rapping. Gnarly!
RAW SLAMMY AWARDS SUPERSHOW
– Jim Ross won “Tell Me I Did Not Just See That” Moment Of The Year. Booker and Hornswoggle gave out the award. Hornswoggle had an afro wig on. They did some comedy. Nominees were JR dancing, Santino in the final two of the Rumble and almost winning, Truth getting soda thrown in his face by Little Jimmy at Capitol Punishment and The Miz dressing up as The Rock.
– So, JR came out to accept the award, but Cole interrupted his speech. Booker set up a rap off between JR and Cole. Cole did the slowest rap ever. JR forget his lines. Everybody said JR won anyway. Booker did a Spinaroonie. Cole freaked out. Booker had JR do the Spinaroonie. This was a trainwreck. An amazing one.
– Big Show and Mark Henry won Holy %&@*# Move Of The Year. Foley and Ted Dibiase (Sr.) presented. They did some comedy. Nominees were Sheamus powerbombing Sin Cara through the ladder at MITB, Orton’s RKO on the steel steps to Christian at Summerslam, the Big Show Mark Henry superplex at Vengeance and Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star off the ladder at MITB. Show collected the award, since Henry was gun shy after Smackdown. He vowed to win the World Title at TLC and win his match right now.
– Big Show d. Wade Barrett in 1:38. Wade cut a promo on the way to the ring and promised to give Orton the beating of his life at TLC. He told Big Show if he left TLC as World Champion, the Barrett Barrage would be coming for him next. Match didn’t last long, as Wade thought about putting Show through a table with an elbow, but Show got up and just pounded the table into oblivion. Wade grabbed a chair and got DQed, but Show punched the chair away before he could be hit and Barrett bailed.
– CM Punk won Pipebomb Of The Year in 0:00. The Road Dogg presented the award. Yes, Road Dogg. He did some comed-uhm, rapping. They showed a montage of various wacky moments. Lots of R-Truth, lots of Booker T. By far the best thing on the show so far.
– Punk brought out a mannequin doll, wearing a blond mullet and a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt. Where the hell did they find that, was my first reaction. But I presume Laurinaitis owns boxes of them. Punk said he wanted to promote someone who didn’t get the recognition they deserved. Someone who was boring and lacking in human characteristics, like the mannequin. Punk introduced a John Laurinaitis tribute video, which was set to “The Touch” by Stan Bush and was the greatest, cheesiest thing ever. Punk accepted the award on Laurinaitis’s behalf.
– Kelly Kelly won Divalicious Moment Of The Year. Lita of all people did the presentation. Lita did not do comedy. Nominees were Natalya’s double sharpshooter, Kelly winning the Diva’s Title, Kharma’s debut and Beth’s super Glam Slam at Survivor Series. Beth and Natalya interrupted Kelly’s speech and tried to steal the Slammy, so Kelly slapped her.
– Triple H won OMG Moment Of The Year. Didn’t we already do this one? You’d better believe Santino and The Bellas did comedy. Nominees were HHH tombstoning Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Rock giving Cena the Rock Bottom at Wrestlemania, the Raw walkout and Punk winning the WWE Title at MITB. HHH won for the tombstone.
– Triple H came to the ring, carrying a sledgehammer. HHH said the real OMG moment was when Undertaker couldn’t leave the ring on his own power after that match. He said Undertaker was no more and the streak was over. HHH moved on to Kevin Nash and showed a replay of Nash’s attack from two months ago. He said Nash should have finished the job. HHH promised to win at TLC, because he was right.
– David Otunga and Tony Atlas were the presenters for Trending Star Of The Year. They did comedy. Not just comedy, comedy borrowed from the Abraham Washington Show. Basically, whoever trended on Twitter would win the award. They did a video montage of people saying “trending” over the past few months before highlighting the four participants, which was a fantastic troll job by WWE.
– Fatal Fourway for Trending Star Of The Year: Dolph Ziggler d. Zack Ryder, Daniel Bryan and Cody Rhodes in 9:06. The first person trending won the slammy award, but not the match, just to be clear. Bryan and Ryder both hit dives at the same time early on before squaring off with each other. Cody and Ziggler ended up squaring up, but instead of fighting they struck up an agreement to focus on Bryan and Ryder. Sure enough, that fell apart. Bryan and Cody exchanged pins while Dolph was distracted. Ziggler then tried to steal a win on Cody, but only got two. All four guys had their chances to win a back and forth match. Ziggler and Cody both delivered superplexes. Cody threw Zack into a Ruff Ryder on Ziggler, then hit Crossrhodes. Bryan went for the Labell Lock on Cody, but Ziggler dragged him off and ended up hitting the Zig Zag for the pin. So Ziggler won the match, but Zack Ryder won the Slammy for Trending Star. Ziggler hit Ryder with a Zig Zag and took the Slammy anyway.
– The Rock won Game Changer Of The Year. Christian presented, in a neckbrace and on crutches. Christian gave himself the Slammy for Courageous Moment Of The Year, just for showing up. He got mad at not being nominated for any actual awards and blamed the stupid faced fans, for not showing enough outrage that he didn’t get his One More Match. Nominees were Vince and his raspberry colour suit leaving, Edge retiring, Nash coming back and The Rock challenging Cena.
– Cena came out, saying he wasn’t going to take credit for the award himself. Which was kind of him, since it was Rock’s award. Cena introduced The Rock, but Rock didn’t come out. The crowd completely died. Cena introduced a video clip from Rock. But there was no video clip either. That didn’t help. Cena said he hoped this fired Rock up and the real game changer would be at Wrestlemania. The crowd made some scattered noise. This backfired in a monumental way.
– The Miz and Alberto Del Rio d. CM Punk and Randy Orton (Miz pinned Punk) in 9:48. All four of these guys were up for Superstar Of The Year. Miz and Del Rio were able to work Orton over briefly, before he got the tag to Punk. Miz was able to hang Punk’s neck up on the ropes to regain his team the advantage though. As Punk tried to tag Orton, Barrett ran out and pulled him off the apron. Which lead to Miz countering the GTS and putting Punk away with a Skull Crushing Finale. Afterwards, Ricardo passed a ladder in to Del Rio and Miz, who laid Punk out with it. Del Rio put the armbreaker on using the ladder, while Miz taunted him, saying one of them would win the title at TLC.
– Meanwhile, Michael Cole tried to demonstrate on how to vote for Superstar Of The Year and accidentally voted for Orton. Train. Wreck.
– Snooki won A-Lister Of The Year. Vickie and Goldust presented. Did they do comedy? You bet. Nominees were The Muppets, Snooki, Cee-Lo Green and Hugh Jackman. Snooki did a pre-taped speech. Vickie was not happy.
– Josh interviewed Mark Henry. He said Big Show hadn’t seen anything yet and Cena shouldn’t be worried about Wrestlemania, he should be worried about being inducted into the Hall Of Pain.
– Sheamus was supposed to face Jinder Mahal. But, Jinder did a promo on the way to the ring, promising a Slammy winning performance. So Sheamus gave him a Brogue Kick as soon as he got in the ring and that was that.
– CM Punk won Superstar Of The Year. Rey Mysterio gave out the award. John Laurinaitis, Mr. Excitement himself, came out in place of Punk, since he was in no condition to accept the award. So, Laurinaitis, in a call back to earlier, accepted the award on his behalf.
– As Mark Henry was walking to the ring, another 2012 video cut into the broadcast. There was a girl in the classroom this time. The announcers still made no mention or acknowledgement of the videos, so I guess the implication is these videos aren’t being seen by anyone but the TV audience.
– John Cena and Mark Henry went to a No Contest. Cena tried to body slam Henry, but Henry fell on him for a near fall. Cena did manage to hit a back suplex later and hit the five knuckle shuffle, but couldn’t get the AA. In the end, Cena fought out of a bearhug, but ran into the World’s Strongest Slam. Before Henry could go for a pin, KANE came out, wearing a metal face mask. Henry left the ring and Kane gave Cena a chokeslam. Kane then removed his metal mask, revealing a new Kane mask underneath.
TRIBUTE TO THE TROOPS
– Show was from Fort Bragg and indoors. Much tributing was had obviously, from the wrestlers and various celebrities, as well as musical performances. From an in ring perspective, it was a nice, simple show. Like a televised, strong house show maybe. Quick rundown of the show:
– Randy Orton versus Wade Barrett went to a double count out in 5:57. An even match. As Orton made his big comeback and set up for the RKO, Barrett managed to escape the ring. Orton set up for the draping DDT outside and Wade escaped that too, the ensuing brawl leading to both guys being counted out. The fight continued and Barrett set up a table in the ring. Orton fought him off, but David Otunga ran in, allowing Wade to escape. So Orton RKOed Otunga and then powerbombed him through the table as Wade looked on.
– Backstage, Josh asked Wade if what happened to Otunga was a sign of things to come. Barrett said Otunga got what he deserved. He said he had a psychological advantage over Orton and promised to win at TLC.
– They showed Punk, Eve, Cody, Del Rio and Kofi all doing a sky dive.
– Zack Ryder d. Jack Swagger in 3:47. Dolph accompanied Swagger, so Ryder brought out Sgt Slaughter to be in his corner. Slaughter was wearing a Ryder headband under his hat. He started a USA chant at one point. Against Jack Swagger. Hey, why not. Ziggler got involved outside, so Slaughter clotheslined him over the announce table. Swagger laid out Slaughter and stole his headband. Back inside, Ryder countered a Swagger bomb and hit the Ruff Ryder for the pin. Slaughter put Swagger in the cobra clutch afterwards too.
– Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Alicia Fox and Maria Menounos d. Beth Phoenix, Natalya and The Bella Twins (Maria pinned Beth) in 2:43. Before the match, they showed The Bellas visiting a US Military Academy. Maria did fine and won with a surprise sunset flip on Beth.
– Daniel Bryan d. Cody Rhodes in 4:30. Booker joined commentary for the match. Cody attacked Bryan outside and Booker got up to check on Bryan. While the referee was checking on Bryan, Booker hit a right hand and Bryan rolled Cody up. Booker and Cody then fought and Booker sent Cody packing, allowing him to do the Spinaroonie.
– Primo and Epico d. Air Boom (Epico pinned Bourne) in 2:59. Air Boom ran into Miss USA backstage on their way to the ring. Hornswoggle guest ring announced. Epico hit Bourne with the backstabber for the pin.
– Sheamus d. Drew McIntyre in 2:16. Before the match, Christian hobbled out and cut a promo saying he was there to show his support for the Canadian army. Sheamus interrupted and Christian scrammed. Sheamus won with the Brogue Kick.
– John Cena, CM Punk and Big Show d. The Miz, Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry (Cena pinned Henry) in 9:08. Good guys dominated early. Big Show dished out some violent chops. Henry and Show squared off and Henry got the better of it, slamming Show. Henry’s team isolated Show. Show got the tag to Punk, who ran wild and hit the flying elbow off of Big Show’s shoulders. The Anaconda Vice was broken up by Del Rio and Punk was cut off briefly, before tagging Cena, who made the big comeback. Crowd were into Cena, obviously. It turned into a melee and Show chokeslammed Del Rio, Punk hit the GTS on Miz and a KO punch sent Henry into an AA for the win.
NXT
– Trent Barreta and Yoshi Tatsu d. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks (Barreta pinned Hawkins) in 3:59. Hawkins and Reks did a promo, saying they wouldn’t beg for the approval of the fans because they weren’t rookies, they’re true pros. Trent actually had a microphone and called them “grumpy pantses”. Yoshi told Tyler to wash his hair and the crowd actually chanted “Wash Your Hair” at Reks. Trent ran wild off the tag and as things broke down, Trent was able to surprise Hawkins with a rollup for a slightly surprising win.
– Percy Watson hosted Showtime (with Percy Watson), with the Bateman-Maxine-Dirty Curty love triangle. Bateman came out first and on behalf of men everyone, said all women are insane. Bateman insisted nothing happened with himself and Maxine’s mother. Curtis came down and tried to stir things up. He called him Dirty Derrick. He called him parranoid. Percy brought JTG out and JTG admitted he was paid by Curtis to say Maxine and Curtis left together. So Maxine finally came out and told them all to shut up. Maxine told them all to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine and left. This seemed to intrigue Bateman. Bateman gave Curtis a right hand and ran off to find Maxine. Percy made fun of Curtis, so Curtis attacked. Percy fought him off and Striker set up a match later.
– JTG d. Jey Uso in 3:34. Tamina was at ringside with JTG again. Jey scored the victory with a superkick after a series of counters. Tamina kissed JTG after the match to make a point to Jey.
– Taped earlier, Titus apologised to Striker for getting mad last week. Titus said he wanted to apologise to the children he’s visited as a motivational speaker too. Striker offered to cancel the face-off with Young later, but Titus said he had to do it.
– Backstage, Bateman caught up with Maxine. He promised that before the show was over, he would marry her. I assume he meant the NXT season. In which case, no need to rush buddy. Curtis walked up to Maxine and said they both played mind games, but the mind games stop now. Curtis kissed her and Maxine tried to slap him, but Curtis blocked and said they could get physical after he won his match.
– Johnny Curtis d. Percy Watson in 4:12. Percy started out hot. That was until Curtis backdropped him over the ropes, hard to the floor. Percy fought back and looked to have things going his way again, but Curtis managed to hang in and get the win, doing the deal with the falcon arrow.
– Titus O’Neil and Darren Young’s face-off ended the show. Titus first apologised to the fans and to his children, for losing his cool last week. He said he wasn’t perfect, when Young interrupted. Young said it was a weak ass apology and he was no hero. Young insulting him for being an ex football player. Titus said plenty of guys had come from football backgrounds and down well in WWE, like Ron Simmons and like The Rock. He promised not to let Young push his buttons this week. Young kept goading him and started shoving him around, until finally Titus attacked. Titus beat Young around ringside and walked off, conflicted.
SUPERSTARS
– Drew McIntyre d. Justin Gabriel in 4:42. Gabriel used his speed to combat Drew early on, but ran right into a running big boot. Drew took over for a while. Somewhere in here, Striker said something about earning a ten day Raw or Smackdown contract and I have literally no idea what he was talking about. Anyway, Gabriel tried to mount a comeback, but got clotheslined clean out of the air, setting up the Future Shock DDT for the pin.
– Hunico d. Trent Barreta in 3:57. Hunico came to the ring on the back of a lowrider bicycle, being wheeled by FCW’s Donnie Marlow, who I guess is Hunico’s new running buddy. Or cycling buddy, if you prefer. Hunico won a solid little match with a senton off the top. Hunico cut a promo afterwards, refusing to waste his breath speaking in English.
– Jack Swagger d. Alex Riley by submission in 6:55. Despite his prolonged Raw absence, Riley still gets a pretty good reaction. A series of counters near the end lead to Swagger putting on the ankle lock, but Riley escaped and hit an Implant DDT for two. Swagger was able to go back to the ankle moments later and finally made Riley tap out.
– Primo and Epico d. Air Boom (Primo pinned Kofi) in 8:39. Primo and Epico came in with singles wins over the champions in the past couple of weeks. Rosa was of course at ringside with The V2 Colons. The tag champs looked good early, Kofi catching Primo with a kick as he tried a dive and then setting up an assist for Bourne to dive onto both Primo and Epico. Primo and Epico eventually cut Bourne off. Fans were into Kofi as he got the tag. Things broke down and a blind tag rendered Kofi’s Trouble In Paradise neutral, Primo giving Kofi a backstabber to earn the non title win. This was really good.
SMACKDOWN
– Josh was in the ring and introduced Booker T. Booker asked everyone if he looked ready. Everyone said he did. Booker said he was content moving on to be a commentator, but Cody was trying to make a name off of him. He said Cody wouldn’t legitimise himself off of him. Josh asked what happens if Booker wins the IC Title. Booker said they’d cross that bridge when they got there. He promised a beatdown for Cody. Cody came out and cut a promo, saying if this were a movie then sure Booker would win, but this isn’t a movie and reality dictates he’d fall to him. Booker called him into the ring. Cody said he’d spoken to Teddy and if Booker interfered in his match tonight, his match at TLC would be cancelled and he’d be suspended. Strong promo by Cody.
– Cody Rhodes d. Daniel Bryan in 5:45. Bryan went for the Labell Lock early and Cody scrambled out of the ring. Cody gave Bryan a suplex outside to gain the advantage. Bryan fought back and earned some near falls. Cody reversed a back superplex in mid-air to almost get the win. Moments later, Cody was able to reverse a rollup and come out of it with Crossrhodes. Good match.
– Alicia Fox d. Natalya in 1:02. Natalya brought a box of tissues to the ring with her, promising to make Alicia cry. Instead, Alicia won with an inside cradle. And in the process, she tore out some of Natalya’s hair extensions. Alicia made fun of her afterwards. Natalya tried to attack, so Alicia tripped her up and hit the somersault legdrop.
– Backstage, Swagger spoke with Vickie. Mark Henry walked up and wanted him to hurt Big Show’s ankle tonight. He promised him he’d be first in line for the World Title if he did it. Swagger said he’d hurt Big Show, but not for Henry, for himself. He said Henry probably wouldn’t win on Sunday and the World Title was in his future. Henry got annoyed and left.
– Primo and Epico d. The Usos (Primo pinned Jey) in 2:59. Rosa got the shucky ducky seal of approval from Booker. After a fast paced finish, Rosa distracted Jey as he went for the big splash, allowing Primo to pull him off the ropes with a backstabber.
– Big Show d. Jack Swagger in 5:48. They showed a replay from July 2010, of Swagger injuring Big Show’s ankle. Mark Henry limped out as soon as the match started, taking a seat at ringside. Show dominated, with Henry looking on. Swagger eventually managed to target Show’s leg, but it was brief resistance as Show ran through him. Swagger managed to counter a chokeslam, into the ankle lock. Staring at Henry, Show managed to escape and KOed Swagger for the win.
– Big Show threw Swagger out of the ring, right in front of Henry. Henry promptly picked up his chair and smacked Swagger across the back. Henry then nailed a camera man with a chair shot as well. Show went to check on him and the two exchanged words as Henry left.
– Ryder walked up to Orton backstage, wanting to know if they were on the same page. Orton said no, but maybe they were reading the same book. Ryder fist pumped and Orton wondered what he was getting into.
– Ted Dibiase d. Heath Slater in 3:08. They finally shot footage of one of the Dibiase Posse parties and showed it on TV. Up until this point, I wasn’t 100% sure this was actually a real thing. So, thank you, now I know. After exchanging pin attempts Slater slapped Dibiase and Dibiase stepped up the intensity. Slater got the brief upper hand, but Dibiase came back to win with Dreamstreet. Jinder Mahal jumped Dibiase after the match and put on the camel clutch. Teddy came out and said if Jinder wanted to fight, he could face Sheamus as he was supposed to on Monday.
– Sheamus d. Jinder Mahal in 3:43. Jinder actually hung in for a while. Probably too long. Not that it did much good, Sheamus winning with the Brogue Kick
– Wade Barrett and Dolph Ziggler d. Randy Orton and Zack Ryder (Orton pinned Ziggler) in 11:54. Orton and Ryder made an ‘interesting’ team. Wade tagged out rather than face Orton. Things were evenly matched in the early going. A blind tag lead to Barrett finally cutting Orton off. Zack made the tag and went for the Ruff Ryder, but Barrett was able to counter and Zack was then isolated after a Ziggler cheap shot. Fans really got into things as Zack tried to make the tag. Zack countered Wasteland into a DDT and got the tag to Orton, who made his big comeback. In the end, Ryder was taken out outside, but Orton was able to hit Ziggler with the RKO and Wade neglected to get in the ring to make the save. Good main event to end a strong show.