This week: YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Plus, the small matter of Brock Lesnar returning to WWE, The Rock eyes up the WWE Title (so he can make another thank you speech?), CM Punk tastes the demon drink, People Power, repackinging damaged goods, Big Johnny’s Theme and poor AJ gets kicked to the kerb.
RAW SUPERSHOW
– The show started with John Laurinaitis addressing the roster backstage. He said he was going to give the power he’d earned back to the people. He booked Santino versus Dolph and Swagger in a triple threat US Title match. Punk interrupted. He called Laurinaitis a toolbox, on behalf of everybody. Laurinaitis called him a “prankster” and put him in a match with Mark Henry, for the WWE Title. He called it the era of People Power.
– Rock came out to a massive reaction. “Boots To Asses” chant and a “You’ve Still Got It”. Rock eventually managed to get a word in edgeways. He said they’d done it all since he came back 14 months ago. But it wasn’t until last night at Wrestlemania that he finally came home. He kept saying thank you, which he needs to knock off. The Rock doesn’t say thank you. Rock complimented John Cena for bringing it like never before. Rock said it was an honour and win or lose, they made history, for the fans. Rock thanked the people. He joked about being cut from the Canadian Football League and said because of the fans, he became the people’s champion. And this wasn’t the end, he guaranteed it was just the beginning. Crowd chanted YES! Not an isolated occurance, safe to say. Rock said he had a vision since last night. Somebody wolf-whistled at him for dancing and he joked that it was a John Cena fan. Rock promised to become WWE Champion. More YES chants. I just can’t get into Humble Rock, but this was a better promo and Rock in the title mix now makes things very interesting, much more than if it had happened pre-Wrestlemania.
– United States Championship, Triple Threat Match: Santino Marella (c) d. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger in 3:22. Lots of fan support for Ziggler. Ziggler and Swagger worked together on Santino and had fun at his expense. Santino tried to fight, but the numbers overwhelmed him. Sure enough though, Swagger and Ziggler argued over who’d get the pin and fought amongst themselves. And it lead to Santino winning with the Cobra on Swagger. Swagger and Ziggler threatened to go after Santino after the match and Santino pulled the “look over there” trick to escape up the ramp. Buying time for Brodus Clay to back Santino up. Ziggler charged and took an absolutely nutty bump on the ramp from a headbutt to the chest from Brodus. That was fantastic. Santino danced with Brodus and the Funkettes.
– Lord Tensai d. Alex Riley by stoppage in 2:49. Tensai was accompanied by Sakamoto. The commentators acknowledged that Tensai was a former WWE star who went to Japan. They didn’t specify that it was A-Train. Probably for the best. Tensai completely dominated, including a big butterfly suplex, a brutal senton and the Baldo Bomb, causing the referee to stop the match. Afterwards, Tensai blew mist on his hand and applied a claw hold.
– WWE Championship: Mark Henry d. CM Punk (c) by count out in 10:04. The YES chants really got going during this one. Punk was nursing an injured back. He tried to attack with strikes, but Henry swatted him aside. Henry controlled things. And talked trash, which is always fantastic. Punk tried to fight back and that’s when the YES chants started for Punk. Henry kept cutting Punk off, which lead to NO chants for Henry. The crowd rallied Punk to finally fight back and he hit the flying elbow. But Henry blocked a bulldog and dumped Punk outside. Punk couldn’t beat the count. Disappointing ending aside, this was a lot of fun. Crowd helped, but the match was well done too.
– Angry at not winning the title, Henry gave Punk a World’s Strongest Slam on the floor. Laurinaitis came out and said Punk was going to defend his title on a consistent basis now he was in charge and there was a natural disaster in Punk’s future. Jericho came out from through the crowd, with Punk down, saying they should celebrate their great match at Wrestlemania with a drink. Jericho had a bottle of Jack Daniels. Jericho claimed he never drunk to excess and would never drink and drive. Jericho then proposed a toast to Punk’s dad and poured the alcohol over the downed Punk’s head. Unforunately, Jericho tried to kick Punk while he was down too and slipped. Whoops. Jericho produced another bottle and smashed it over Punk’s head.
– Sheamus came out, to boos from the pro-Daniel Bryan crowd. Before Sheamus could speak, Alberto Del Rio’s music interrupted him. And Ricardo did a great introduction for him. The crowd responded to Del Rio with SÍ chants, which was inspired. The crowd chanted for Daniel Bryan, but Del Rio told Sheamus he had a new challenger, him. Sheamus threatened to Brogue Kick him. Del Rio told him to relax and told him they’d be competing on Smackdown, where if Del Rio won, he’d get a title shot. Fans chanted for Bryan again. Del Rio’s microphone cut out, so he tried to take Ricardo’s instead. Which set him up for a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. They showed Daniel Bryan watching backstage, for a big pop. Josh asked Bryan if he was upset. Bryan refused to answer and just stared at him.
– Kofi Kingston d. Cody Rhodes in 1:47. With Cody in control, Big Show came out and introduced his own “Cody Rhodes Embarrassing Wrestlemania Moment”, which was Show hitting the KO punch. The distraction allowed Kofi to hit the Trouble In Paradise.
– Henry was mad backstage. Abraham Washington showed up. Henry called him “A.W”. Abe said his name wasn’t Obama, but it was time for a change. He offered to represent Henry and said he had the master plan. Abe left Henry with his business card.
– Eve and Eve’s theme music cut a promo from the stage. Hoeski chants for Eve. She said kicking Zack was her Wrestlemania moment. She admitted to manipulating Zack and said it was easy, because it was easy for her to manipulate any man, except for one, John Laurinaitis. Eve said if her actions helped him in any way, so be it.
– The Miz d. Zack Ryder in 2:55. Miz made fun of Zack, so Zack immediately attacked. Zack took a lot of the match. Just like Wrestlemania, Miz got the victory with the Skull Crushing Finale though.
– Cena came out to close out the show. He was in serious mode, thankfully. Cena said he never thought about losing at Wrestlemania. Cena said he’d talked a lot in the build up to Wrestlemania, but he wasn’t going to make excuses, because that wasn’t him. Cena said nobody goes undefeated in life. He referenced speculation over how he’d react and the crowd chanted that he was a loser. Cena suggested lashing out at the WWE Universe and the crowd chanted YES. But Cena said that wouldn’t happen. Cena said as a man, he admitted defeat and apologised to everyone who’d supported him over the past year if he’d let them down. He promised to work his ass off to be the best he could be. Cena said he wasn’t going to call out The Rock, because they settled things last night. Crowd chanted for Lesnar. Cena wanted Rock to come out, not to fight, but because he considered him the best in the industry. Everyone chanted YES and Cena acknowledged it, telling Bryan he owed him one, which lead to Daniel Bryan chants. After getting sidetracked, Cena invited Rock out again.
– Instead, Brock Lesnar’s music hit. Gigantic reaction. I mean, huge. Brock stalked around for a while, as Cena looked on, with a smirk. Lesnar then got in the ring, offered Cena a handshake, threw him up on his shoulders, hit the F5 and best of all kicked Cena’s hat away in disgust. A great end to a great show.
NXT
– Percy Watson d. Tyler Reks in 6:08. Regal called Reks a “tosspot” during his entrance. Tyler had trouble early and was forced outside to regroup. Which worked, as Reks took over after luring Percy into the corner. Hawkins got on Regal’s case while Reks was in control. Fans got behind Percy and he got back in the match, before turning a back drop into a schoolboy for the win. After the match, Percy found himself cornered by Reks and Hawkins, until Regal interrupted and told them if they laid a hand on Percy they’d be suspended.
– Backstage, Michael McGillicutty spoke to Natalya. McGillicutty said if he won his match tonight, he got a rematch with Tyson Kidd. He said Natalya knew how he felt being a third generation star. She told him not to bring her family into it and whatever was happening between him and Tyson was between them.
– Natalya d. Kaitlyn by submission in 3:31. Tyson did commentary. Kaitlyn has new theme music and it’s pretty amazing. Kaitlyn held her own with Natalya move for move, but gave Natalya a forearm and Natalya stepped up the intensity. Natalya was able to lock in the Sharpshooter for the win in a pretty good little match. Tyson congratulated Natalya.
– Darren Young tried to reject Titus O’Neil’s dating advice, but Alicia and Tamina walked by, so Titus threw him into their path. Darren tried to hit on Tamina but his game was so bad, that they both laughed and walked off. Ouch. Titus made it worse by making fun of him.
– The Usos d. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil (Jey pinned Titus) in 4:25. Tamina accompanied The Usos. Darren and Titus worked over Jey. Jimmy ran wild on Titus, before things broke down. Titus got distracted by Darren and Tamina and Jimmy hit a samoan drop, setting up the superfly splash. They argued after the match and Titus left on his own.
– Kaitlyn, Percy and Derrick Bateman were backstage. Bateman tried to cheer everyone up after Kaitlyn’s loss and Riley getting hurt on Raw. Maxine walked by and Bateman asked Percy and Kaitlyn to leave. He tried to figure out what Maxine’s problem was. Johnny Curtis showed up flustered by a call he’d gotten from the kidnappers and they left. Bateman remarked that this was getting weird. Despite leaving and despite being flustered, Curtis yelled that that was his line. Bateman pointed out that that was his fiancee. Tyson showed up and told Bateman to tear McGillicutty apart.
– Curtis and Maxine went to the basement, as demanded. And once they got there, Hawkins and Reks attacked Curtis. Reks subdued Curtis, while Hawkins said they were the kidnappers, but they’d frame Maxine and Curtis, unless Maxine got Regal off their backs. Curtis vowed not to be outdone by two homeless looking guys and they threatened to make things weird next week.
– Michael McGillicutty d. Derrick Bateman in 7:28. Bateman took McGillicutty out with a dropkick off the apron, before McGillicutty eventually cut Bateman off. Bateman made a big comeback. But Bateman missed a crossbody. McGillicutty tried to apply the Sharpshooter and almost got rolled up as a result. But he escaped and won with the dreaded swinging neckbreaker. Tyson came out on the stage and exchanged words with McGillicutty to end the show.
SUPERSTARS
– Hunico d. Tyson Kidd in 7:52. I like Hunico a lot, but the pre-match promos have got to go. They come off very haphazard. Tyson got the better of things to start, wrestling Hunico’s game. Hunico managed to escape an early Sharpshooter and regrouped outside, using a Camacho distraction to attack Tyson from behind. But Tyson recovered and gave Hunico a hurricanrana from the inside to the floor. Hunico eventually posted Tyson’s shoulder and worked over the arm. Kidd made a strong comeback, but Hunico hung in. Both got near falls, before finally Camacho tried to trip Kidd and the distraction allowed Hunico to win with a modified twisting samoan drop. Really good Superstars match.
– The Usos d. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks (Jimmy pinned Hawkins) in 3:38. The Usos have new flourescent gear. Hawkins and Reks isolated Jimmy. This was one of the Miami matches, so we got a YES chant here. Jey got the tag for the Usos and The Usos hit duel samoan drops, before Jimmy hit Hawkins with the superfly splash.
– R-Truth d. Heath Slater in 3:58. Fresh off his beating from Flo Rida, Slater took on Truth, who was accompanied by Little Jimmy. Slater kicked Little Jimmy, angering Truth. Truth took over, but kept checking on Little Jimmy. And Slater dropped Truth on the barricade outside. Truth fought back and put Heath away with the Little Jimmy. The move, not the invisible child. Truth insisted the referee raise Little Jimmy’s hand as well.
SMACKDOWN
– David Otunga introduced Laurinaitis, who has amazing new theme music. It’s a fanfare, basically. An amazing man. Laurinaitis said everybody should be excited, because now Smackdown would have the fair, competent, creative leadership it’s lacked. He pointed out Booker. He promised not to abuse his power. Laurinaitis wanted Teddy to be professional and they invited him to the ring, to thank him for his service. Crowd chanted for Teddy. He cut Laurinaitis off and said the benefit of being jobless was, he could tell him to go to hell. Teddy said he couldn’t walk away from Smackdown without thanking the fans. Teddy tried to leave but Laurinaitis stopped him, saying he wasn’t finished. He offered Teddy a job. Teddy declined. Not so politely. Laurinaitis brought up Teddy’s grandchildren and Otunga pointed out the clause in Teddy’s contract that controlled his grandkids college fund belonged to “the Smackdown GM”. That seems like an oversight. Laurinaitis gave his word that if he took the job, his grandkids fund would be safe. Teddy tried to accept but Johnny wanted him to tell everyone he was better than him first. He reluctantly did so. Laurinaitis sent him on his way and announced some matches for tonight, including:
– Two On One Handicap Match: David Otunga and Mark Henry d. R-Truth in 2:04. Otunga started off and had his troubles with Truth, until he tagged Henry. Abe Washington was shown watching backstage. The announcers referred to him as “A.W” too. Henry had the match won with the World’s Strongest Slam, but Otunga demanded the tag and took the pin. Henry told Otunga he owed him one.
– No Disqualification Match: Randy Orton d. Kane in 10:21. Rematch from Wrestlemania. They brawled around ringside and up onto the stage. Orton tried to knock Kane off the stage and Kane tried to Chokeslam him off, both avoided. Kane countered an RKO and gave Orton a DDT on the stage. Things found their way back in the ring. Kane exposed the turnbuckle. Orton was able to fight back briefly, but Kane hung him over the top rope. Kane was sent into the timekeeper’s area, but booted Orton and brought numerous chairs into the ring. Orton hit the hanging DDT on a chair for two. Kane countered another RKO and attacked with a chair. He then attempted a Chokeslam. Orton sent Kane into the exposed turnbuckle and won with an RKO. Better than their Wrestlemania match thanks to the environment.
– Ryback d. Barry Stevens in 1:09. Barry actually cut a promo on the crowd. Then Ryback came out and squashed him. Hunico, Camacho, The Usos, Kaitlyn, Alicia and Derrick Bateman were all backstage watching and laughing for some reason. Like Tensai, they acknowledged Ryback was a former NXT competitor, but never mentioned Skip by name. Ryback’s finisher is a running muscle buster type move.
– Daniel Bryan and AJ came out. Tons of people doing the YES chant again. They showed a lot of YES signs. Bryan, dejectedly, said everything was going so right but then went so wrong. AJ reassured him that he was a great wrestler and a great person. She pointed out the YES chants. AJ said they were all here to support him. Bryan said he felt like everyone was mocking him. He said all the YES chants from the sheep don’t make it better and told AJ she cost him the World Title. He yelled about all his accomplishments that got flushed away in 18 seconds, all because AJ “just had to” have the kiss. Fans chanted “18 seconds”. Bryan called it the kiss of death. He said AJ ruined everything by stealing the spotlight. He called he selfish. Poor AJ got sad. Bryan said he had a rematch clause and he’d do things by himself. He told AJ to get in her “gas guzzling SUV” and cry over her “disgusting cheeseburgers” that she loves and he told her Wrestlemania would be the last kiss she ever got from him. AJ tried to reason with him and Bryan yelled at her to get out. He turned his back on her and AJ left. Aww.
– Big Show d. Heath Slater in 1:16. Cody did commentary. Big Show showed the KO punch from Wrestlemania again to mock Cody. Show did the POUNCE and won decisively with the Chokeslam. Cody teasted getting in the ring, but thought better of it. So Show gave Slater the WMD. Cody tried to attack from behind but Show ran him off again. I’m all for this Show-Cody feud continuing.
– The Bellas were backstage with Laurinaitis. Sheamus walked in and Johnny gave Brie the night off for supporting his team. Laurinaitis said what Sheamus did at Wrestlemania wasn’t fair and he expected more professionalism than what he did on Raw. Sheamus said the only people who’d get their heads kicked off from now on would be those who truly deserve it.
– Nikki Bella d. Beth Phoenix in 1:02. No Brie. Kelly came out before the match. And she provided a distraction, allowing Nikki to avoid a charge in the corner and hit a facebuster for the surprise pin.
– A promo from Damien Sandow aired. He said entertainment in the current society was at an all time low. He said pop culture had no social, moral or educational quality. He longed for the days of Shakespeare and Mozart. Sandow called us all lazy, mediocre and complacent. Guilty. Sandow didn’t blame us, he promised to save us from our ignorance.
– Alberto Del Rio d. Sheamus by DQ in 7:39. Del Rio hung Sheamus’s arm over the rope and went to work on it. Sheamus escaped the armbreaker and went for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio ducked and escaped outside. The SÍ chants were back. Sheamus regained control, until Del Rio gave him the enziguri on the apron and refocused on the arm. Eventually Sheamus came back and signalled for the Brogue Kick. Ricardo got on the apron and Del Rio tried to use a chair, but Sheamus dealt with both. The referee caught Sheamus with the chair though and Del Rio feigned injury, convincing the referee to call for the bell. Sheamus responded by giving the referee the Brogue Kick. Del Rio and Ricardo celebrated regardless. Decent match.