This Week In WWE TV – August 20-26, 2012

This week: Let it be known I will not be recapping Saturday Morning Slam, out of protest, because I believe that, either, A- marketing towards children angers me, as someone who was born a fully grown adult and thus can not be accused of hypocrisy, or, B- I believe all children should respect The Attitude Era and also be exposed to snuff films and nudity at the earliest possible age, or, C- it was a completely harmless show with one perfectly fine match and lots of YouTube channel fluff pieces and there’s your recap. Delete as applicable. Plus, actual recaps, Jericho fired, Brock quits, Punk turns and Otunga returns.

RAW SUPERSHOW

– Brock and Heyman came out at the top of the show. They’re saying HHH did suffer a broken arm again at Summerslam. Heyman said he understood how everyone felt. He said 11 years ago, he saw HHH tear his quad tear and finish the match as an announcer. A torn quad couldn’t stop HHH, but Brock Lesnar could. Heyman bragged over Brock’s win, saying HHH quit on his friends, family and all the fans. He said HHH brought it on himself by making it a fight to the finish. Heyman called out Scott Armstrong. Armstrong reluctantly came to the ring. Heyman said Brock had ‘two words’ for him. Brock patted him on the head and said “good job”. Heyman said since HHH had been taken out, he was annointing Brock the new King Of Kings, the master of the “Brocktagon” and the conqueror of the WWE Universe. Heyman was great here.

– They showed a Punk Tout, saying he was picking his next championship opponent tonight.

– R-Truth, Kofi Kingston and Sin Cara d. Primetime Players and Cody Rhodes (Sin Cara pinned Cody) in 6:40. Before the match they showed a WWE.com video from after Summerslam, with Truth giving Little Jimmy a celebratory Gatorade bath during a Kofi promo. The Kofi team looked good early and sent all three opponents packing. The PTP and Cody eventually cut off Truth. Sin Cara ran wild off the tag, before things broke down. Kofi was sent into the PTPs by Truth, before Sin Cara countered Cody’s attempts to unmask him and caught him for the pin.

– Striker tried to interview AJ about Punk, when David Otunga returned, coffee in hand. He mentioned he’d been filming a movie. Otunga asked if she needed Harvard educated legal counsel, saying he’d sue anyone who called her crazy. AJ reacted badly to the word crazy and put him in a match. Striker again asked about Punk and AJ agreed to let Punk choose his own opponent, pending her approval.

– Two On One Handicap Match: Ryback d. Mike Spinner and Andy Tavares by DQ in 1:29. Cole claimed Ryback was intelligent, because he reads “1 to 2 books a month”. Those are some low standards. Ryback was on his way to winning his usual squash, until Jinder Mahal attacked from behind. Jinder put him in the camel clutch, but Ryback powered over and gave him a chinbreaker, then gave the jobbers his finisher anyway.

– Ziggler confronted Jericho backstage, wanting a rematch. AJ showed up and put them in a match tonight. If Jericho lost he was fired and if Ziggler lost Jericho would win the Money In The Bank contract.

– Del Rio came out, mad at Ricardo. He said he should be the World Champion, but he was robbed at Summerslam. He provided proof his foot was on the rope. Alberto demanded a rematch, which brought out AJ. She said the World Title was Booker’s responsibility, but she could put him in a match to help Booker’s decision.

– Randy Orton d. Alberto Del Rio in 8:35. Sheamus came out to join commentary. Orton started strong. Del Rio eventually turned things around, before Orton caught him with a superplex and made his big comeback. In the end Orton gave Alberto the hanging DDT and set up the RKO, but Ricardo distracted him. Sheamus scared off Ricardo, but Orton became distracted and Alberto hit a backstabber. Sheamus pointed out to the referee Orton’s foot was on the ropes, which annoyed Alberto. And Orton capitalised with an RKO.

– Damien Sandow d. Brodus Clay in 2:42. Sandow did an inset promo, saying he was going to send the Funkasaurus into extinction. Sandow tried to attack Brodus’s knee, but this was all Brodus. Until eventually Sandow avoided an avalanche and rolled Brodus up with the tights. Sandow hung around a little too long celebrating and Brodus gave him an exploder and the big splash after, then danced with some kids from the crowd.

– Cole interviewed Shawn Michaels via satellite. Shawn said he knew how HHH felt. He said there was nothing you could do to prepare for your career being finished. Shawn said HHH was a warrior and had integrity, unlike Brock or Heyman. He put over HHH and now he realised instead of supporting HHH, he’d become a distraction. And he didn’t tell him the truth, which was he didn’t think he could beat Brock Lesnar. Shawn told HHH he had nothing to be ashamed of and thanked him for a job well done on behalf of the WWE Universe.

– Big Show d. David Otunga in 2:08. Big Show completely dominated and won with the knockout punch. After the match, they showed Big Show after Summerslam, complaining the match was two on one.

– Daniel Bryan and The Miz went to a no contest with Kane and Zack Ryder. AJ set this match up with Kane and Bryan teaming with past enemies, because of their recent ‘anger issues’. Bryan immediately tagged out, saying NO to the prospect of facing Kane. Zack was soon isolated. Bryan accidentally hit Miz and Kane got the tag. Miz then refused to tag, leaving Bryan to face Kane alone. So Bryan ran away through the crowd. This caused Kane to go nuts, Chokeslamming Zack and tearing up ringside. Kane destroyed the timekeeper, then gave Ryder a Tombstone.

– From after Summerslam, Cena said he had no-one to blame. He dodged the question of whether Punk was best in the world.

– Striker interviewed Punk. He thanked AJ for having enough respect to let him choose his own opponent. Punk said he’d choose someone the WWE look up to and people say he can’t beat, John Cena. But it’d be on one condition, Cena had to show him respect tonight.

– Kaitlyn won a 7 Diva Battle Royal, last eliminating Eve, to become the #1 Contender to the Diva’s Title .

Participants: Kaitlyn, Aksana, Eve Torres, Rosa Mendes, Natalya, Alicia Fox, Tamina

Layla watched from ringside. I don’t know what happened to Beth and Kelly, who were in the graphic but not the match. Rosa and Aksana eliminated themselves by brawling under the bottom rope. Tamina and Natalya seemed to work together. Natalya went out after a missed spear in the corner, then Tamina superkicked Alicia off the top and out. Kaitlyn threw out Tamina leaving Eve and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn then clotheslined Eve out, which sure didn’t seem like the finish judging by everyone’s reaction. More important than all this, apparently Brad Maddox is off the FCW/NXT roster and is now a referee, which hopefully there’s a good reason for, because I was looking forward to him finally showing up on NXT.

– They aired a Brock Tout, announcing there was nothing left to conquer, so he was leaving and never coming back.

– Another Wade Barrett video aired.

– Vickie fretted over Dolph’s match backstage and told Dolph he had to win for her. Ziggler said he needed to win for him. Ziggler said it was the biggest match of his career and assured Vickie they would win.

– WWE Contract versus Money In The Bank Contract: Dolph Ziggler d. Chris Jericho in 6:54. Jericho went for some quick pins, forcing Ziggler to regroup. Jericho had the better of things, until Ziggler took control during the break. Jericho fought back, before they exchanged near falls at the end. Ziggler escaped the Walls and almost won with an inside cradle. Jericho blocked the Zig Zag, but Ziggler got the knees up on the Lionsault and Ziggler won with the Zig Zag second time around. Afterwards Ziggler celebrated, until Jericho snatched the briefcase and attacked Dolph with it, then hit a Codebreaker. So presumably that’s the last of Jericho for a while.

– Punk came out and went over to Lawler. He took issue with Lawler again and asked Lawler to admit that was a lie. Before Lawler could apologise Cena interrupted. Punk was annoyed at Cena for stealing his spotlight again. He complained about taking a backseat to Cena, HHH and Rock, out of respect, but he hadn’t got any respect back. Punk brought up that he hadn’t been in main events and said any match he was in was a main event, but he was done taking a backseat. He said Cena was the number one contender so that he could beat him again. Punk said he saw all the Cena merchandise around and realised what he had to do. He told Cena all he had to do was admit that Punk was the best in the world.

– Cena said Punk had been champion for 9 months, which meant he hadn’t been champion for 9 months. He said his relationship with his fans wasn’t built on championships, it was built on respect. He likened it to sports fans not giving up on their team if they don’t win a championship. Cena refused to call him best in the world, because to be who he is, he had to believe that he was the best. Cena said if you don’t believe in yourself, you don’t belong. Cena said he held the belt for 380 days straight and he never demanded anything from anyone. He said Punk had been champion for 270 days and what people remembered was when he blew a kiss and left. Cena told him to prove he was the best and to choose anyone he wanted, but Night Of Champions was in Boston and if he beat him there, that would define his existance. And if he didn’t choose him, he’d have no respect for the belt and no respect for himself. Cena then left. Punk went back and demanded an apology from Lawler. Lawler got in the ring and did apologise. Punk said he wasn’t finished and told Lawler to say he was best in the world, since he was the one with the propaganda. Lawler said he couldn’t. So Punk hit him with a kick to the back of the head.

NXT

– Antonio Cesaro d. Derrick Bateman in 4:02. This was obviously taped before Antonio’s title win. Bateman took the fight to Cesaro for a bit, before Cesaro took over. Bateman had a strong flurry late, but missed a knee in the corner and Cesaro put him away moments later with the Neutraliser.

– They interviewed a group of WWE stars like Bryan, Miz and Cena who put over the importance of becoming the first NXT Champion.

– Tamina Snuka d. Sofia Cortez in 2:54. This, meanwhile, was taped before Sofia was fired. At least it was a loss. After Tamina won with the superfly splash, Raquel Diaz attacked her and drew an ‘L’ for loser on her head in lipstick.

– Kassius Ohno d. Jake Carter in 3:57. After an even start, Kassius caught Carter with a boot while distracted with the referee. Ohno went on to win with a rolling elbow. He continued the attack after the match until Richie Steamboat chased him off.

– Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel d. Johnny Curtis and Michael McGillicutty (Gabriel pinned Curtis) in 7:41. The SHAW chants continue for McGillicutty. Kidd and Gabriel looked good early, until a Curtis intervention lead to McGillicutty turning Gabriel inside out with a clothesline. Curtis missed a twisting senton and Gabriel got the tag to Kidd. A modified Sidewinder almost beat Kidd. Kidd slipped trying a moonsault which was unfortunate but could have ended worse. And in the end Gabriel and Kidd won with a Hart Attack Blockbuster.

– Briley interviewed Kassius about Richie Steamboat challenging him to a match. Ohno said if Steamboat hated seeing other people in pain, he’d hate it more when he was the one in pain. Ohno accepted the challenge.

– Byron Saxton brought out Rollins and Jinder for a face to face segment before their NXT Title match next week. Seth said becoming NXT Champion meant everything to him and all he ever wanted was to hold a title in WWE. He said WWE and wrestling gave him a purpose and there was no way he wouldn’t become champion. Jinder called him a loser, where as he was born into greatness. He said winning was his birth right. He then sucker punched Rollins. But Rollins fought back and cleared the ring of Jinder, then hit a dive before referees ran out to separate them.

SUPERSTARS

– Damien Sandow d. Yoshi Tatsu in 4:25. Sandow begged our indulgence before the match, promising to cure everyone of their ignorance. Crowd got behind Yoshi, but Sandow dominated most of the match and ultimately won with the cross arm neckbreaker.

– Alex Riley d. Drew McIntyre in 3:57. Like their match last week Drew milked his wrist injury, but Riley was ready for the cheapshot this time. Drew did take control after guiding a flying Riley into the barricade. But Riley pulled out the win completely out of nowhere, pulling Drew off the ropes in a school boy.

– Cody Rhodes d. Justin Gabriel in 10:47. Cody stalled early on. After getting the better of things Gabriel took out Cody with a dive. Cody went after Gabriel’s arm, but couldn’t finish him off. Gabriel fought back near the end, but Cody survived and finally managed to put Gabriel away with Cross Rhodes

SMACKDOWN

– Randy Orton came out at the start of the show. He mentioned Del Rio claiming his win on Raw was tainted and said too bad. Orton said he deserved to challenge Sheamus. He said anyone who had a problem with that could come to the ring now. This brought Sheamus out. Sheamus claimed he and Orton had both beaten Alberto ‘fair and square’ and agreed to face Orton. Booker came out, saying Orton would always be in line but Monday needed to be addressed. Alberto interrupted to complain to Booker and claiming a conspiracy. Booker eventually made Alberto versus Orton tonight for the number one contendership.

– Since Josh was attacked by Kane at Summerslam, Teddy joined Cole for the first match and told Cole there’d be a guest commentary on every match.

– Ryback d. Jinder Mahal in 2:51. Ryback did a short promo before the match which was basically there to get people chanting Feed Me More. Jinder worked over Ryback for a minute or so, before Ryback ran through him and finally beat Jinder. The Feed Me More thing seems to be catching on finally too.

– Layla d. Alicia Fox in 2:06. Kaitlyn was on commentary for this match. Alicia had some success targetting Layla’s knee, but Layla won with a roundhouse kick. Kaitlyn congratulated Layla afterwards, but Eve interrupted. Neither seemed happy to see her, but she raised both of their hands.

– Backstage, Ziggler and Vickie boasted over getting rid of Jericho. Vickie told him to let her take care of AJ. Sheamus walked up and challenged Ziggler to cash in his contract tonight. He refused, but Teddy put them in a match tonight, contract or not.

– Heath Slater d. Sin Cara in 2:37. Cody did commentary, talking about why he wanted to unmask Sin Cara and insisting it wasn’t an obsession. Slater worked Sin Cara over briefly, before Sin Cara got going and hit a corkscrew plancha in front of the commentary table. Cody jumped up and turned Sin Cara’s mask around with the referee distracted, which allowed Slater to win with a reverse DDT. Afterwards, Cody tried to unmask Sin Cara completely but referees stopped him.

– Sheamus d. Dolph Ziggler by DQ in 5:05. Vickie joined Cole on commentary. She fawned over Dolph quite a bit. Cole having to play devil’s advocate when joined by heels and not be heel Cole the whole time was a pleasant side effect of all this. Ziggler caught Sheamus with a DDT on the apron. Sheamus soon built momentum, hitting White Noise and setting up the Brogue Kick. But Ziggler avoided it and hit Sheamus with the briefcase, passed to him by Vickie. Ziggler contemplated cashing in with Sheamus hurt, but he soon changed his mind when Sheamus recovered.

– Santino came out and said since he lost the US Title, he was feeling less and less American. He was sad about letting everyone down. Santino then brought out the Cobra and had a conversation about it. Yes, really. He told the Cobra that he cost them the title but forgave him. It. Whatever. He quoted Rocky Balboa and the Cobra got fired up. Cesaro interrupted. He finally has a new theme, which is a rap version of Dean Malenko’s old theme. You don’t need me to tell you that’s great. Cesaro called himself a winner in five languages. Santino went after him on the stage, but Aksana distracted the Cobra again, allowing Cesaro to lay Santino out.

– Kofi Kingston and R-Truth d. Primo and Epico (Truth pinned Primo) in 2:22. The Primetime Players were guest commentators. Primo and Epico isolated Kofi, before Truth ran wild. Truth countered a Backstabber and won with the Little Jimmy.

– Striker interviewed Kofi and Truth backstage after the match. They said they’d take on all comers as champions. Titus and Young interrupted and said they’d take the titles in due time. The Usos, Primo and Epico and Kidd and Gabriel all interjected and a fight broke out. Yay tag team division!

– In his office Booker spoke to Teddy, asking who he thought deserved the Tag Title shot. Teddy wasn’t sure but Eve produced a win loss record (yay wins and losses!), plus an organised schedule for Booker. He seemed impressed with her work. Teddy didn’t.

– #1 Contendership: Alberto Del Rio d. Randy Orton by submission in 6:40. Obviously, Sheamus did the commentary for this match. Alberto teased the armbreaker early on but Orton countered with a neckbreaker. Del Rio got the upper hand, before Orton made his big comeback. Orton escaped the armbreaker a second time. But Del Rio countered the RKO by hooking the rope, then beat Orton clean with the cross armbreaker, which was a bit of a surprise. Not that Alberto won but that it was clean. Not sure I needed to see this twice in a week, but this was a marked improvement on their Raw match.

– Alberto threw Ricardo’s shoe at Sheamus and a brawl broke out, with Ricardo’s intervention allowing Del Rio to lay out Sheamus with a shot with the shoe. As Alberto left, Ziggler ran out to cash in the briefcase again. But before he could do so, Orton hit an RKO.