Chikara The Zodiac Crimes DVD Review

-Taped from Gibsonville, North Carolina

-Your hosts are of course various members of the Chikara roster and staff

-Lance tells Harlem it’s a glorious day because they’re in their home state. Harlem says they’re going to earn their third point in front of their fans. They say the Throwbacks will also join the Bravado Bandwagon as well.

Match in Five Words or Less: Family Feud!

Match Highlights: We’ve got brother versus cousins here in a first time match. I would also argue three of the most improved wrestlers in 2012 are in this match. I refer to Lance, Harlem, and Hatfield. Angelosetti is probably the rookie of the year in Chikara. This is also the most well lit Chikara show I’ve seen in some time. Harlem and Lance have broken out new light blue tights. Bravados want the code of honor to be followed. The Throwbacks accept. Harlem and Hatfield start in front of a crowd that’s pretty split. Feeling out process. Knee by Harlem and they go in the corner. Headbutt. Hatfield up and over. Armdrag. Off the ropes. Harlem gets a backslide for two. Hatfield applies a full nelson. Elbow to the midsection. Armdrag. Another springboard armdrag. Running kick from Harlem. Chop. Another one. Chop misses. Hatfield gets one of his own. Boots by Harlem. Hatfield rolls through and smacks Harlem in the butt. Back drop. Angelosetti and Lance take their turn. Angelosetti hits a bodyslam. Series of splashes. He Tebows once again. Knee drop. Shoulder blocks in the corner. Snapmare and a series of knee strikes in the back. Forearm. Chop by Angelosetti. Whip and a shoulder block. Lance tries a blow horn and fails. Someone else in the crowd has one that works. It’s apparently halftime. Kevin Ford must be so lost. Bravados get their sweaters on and take swigs of water. Veronica provides the entertainment with a little dance. Harlem then plays with the pom poms and… well, that was something. Veronica seems insulted.  Harlem has a football as Gavin Loudspeaker begins the final countdown. Harlem spike the ball in front of the Throwbacks. Hatfield hikes the ball. Angelosetti shoulder blocks Lance. Harlem tosses Hatfield out. Angelosetti ducks a dive. Bicycle kick by Harlem. He spikes the ball. 1-2-NO! Chop by Harlem. Springboard elbow by Lance. The Bravados continue working Angelosetti over.  Angelosetti manages a boot of the corner. Big leap and a tag to Hatfield. Cross body on both men. Right hand and chop on Harlem. Jackhammer. 1-2-NO! Lance whips. TKO! Angelosetti hits a powerslam. Harlem taken up and over. Acecrusher. Springboard tornado DDT by Harlem. Enziguri. German suplex into the bridge for two. Another chop by Hatfield. Veronica accidentally becomes involved and provides a distraction. O’Connor roll. Angelosetti tosses the football at Harlem’s head. Hatfield gets a roll-up for three.

Match Analysis: It’s slightly better to have the foreign object finish in the opener as opposed to the main event. Great work from all four men. The comedy was well played given the circumstances, but they settled and had a borderline great match.  

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Throwbacks/13:41/***1/4/***1/2

Match in Five Words or Less: Stop Ruining Finishes

Match Highlights: Immediate running knees and stomps from Ophidian. Choking along the bottom turnbuckle. Running knees again. Jackknife pin gets two. Clubberling blow to the back. He follows with a draping knee. Kick/chop exchange between the men. Headbutt by Ophidian. Choke along the middle ropes. Another chop. Snapmare into a submission. Akuma puts his feet on the bottom ropes. Series of strikes. Double boots from Ophidian. Back to the headbutts in the chest. Running dropkick. Double nervehold. Strikes from Akuma. Whip in the corner. Akuma hooks a submission in the ropes. Dropkick sort of hits on Ophdian. Nice edit by SMV there. Blind charge misses. Ophidian misses something. Kick to the back and a rana by Akuma. Ophidian’s kick blocks the clothesline. Akuma hits a German suplex. Sitdown powerbomb gets two. Up and around into the Death Clutch. Akuma counters into a falcon arrow. 1-2-NO! into the electric chair. Ophidian hits a rana. Spin kick by Akuma. Kick. Enziguri by Ophidian. Akuma prevents Ophidian from rolling through. Roll-up  by Ophidian. And the referee counts three. That’s ANOTHER BOTCHED finish. Camera cuts quickly away.

Match Analysis: You wanna talk about a bad finish? This may have been worse than all the others. I’m not throwing anyone under the bus here, but I can tell you Bryce Remsburg has been the referee in exactly zero of these matches where a finish has been completely messed up. Chikara needs to clean their finishes up so things like this don’t happen. As a fan, it takes me out of the show and hurts my suspension of disbelief.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Ophidian/7:21/*1/2/*

-Amber O’Neal says she’s going to blow Saturyne away. I wanted to go back and watch the previous finish after listening to her talk.

Match in Five Words or Less: Less Screaming

Match Highlights: Amber O’Neal was last seen as one of Larry Dallas’s broads in DG USA. I don’t care if this is a DUD; this is a step up in her indy wrestling career. O’Neal is not impressed with anyone in this match. Random note: This is O’Neal’s first Chikara appearance in ten years. Quick roll-up by Saturyne and O’Neal rolls out of the ring. Must have been a deadly roll-up. Saturyne can’t reach O’Neal, so she heads to the top turnbuckle. Saturyne gets to walk across the ropes and hit an armdrag. Japanese armdrag and a drop toe hold. Front chancery. O’Neal takes Saturyne in the corner. Cheap elbow shot. Boot. Saturyne with a roll-up. O’Neal gets out in time… I think. Drop toe hold into the middle rope on Saturyne. Saturyne sent into the mat. O’Neal with a pair of hairmares. Sitting full nelson by O’Neal. Elbow by Saturyne. Forearms by Saturyne. Boot to the back by O’Neal. Elbow to the back follow-up. Snapmare and a chinlock with her knee in Saturyne’s back. Saturyne pulled down by her hair next. Back rake. Whip in the corner. Boot out of the corner by Saturyne. Swinging DDT. Running boot misses. Saturyne ducks matrix style and dropkicks in the corner. Max Moon kick. O’Neal plants her down front first. Facebuster. Cover doesn’t come close to getting three. Saturyne sends her down. O’Neal kicks her to the floor. Saturyne shoves O’Neal. Cross body. 1-2-NO! Duck by Saturyne. Into Rings of Saturyne. Not sure if they fell or what but O’Neal taps regardless.

Match Analysis: Saturyne was toned down a bit in this match and was the better for it. The departure of Sara Del Rey from Chikara may have hurt her most of all because I’m not sure she’s ready for the singles spotlight. She works and tries very hard, but something isn’t clicking. O’Neal did a solid job portraying the heel, but it was tough to get emotionally invested considering one person is obviously going to be a regular and the other may go another ten years between appearances.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Saturyne/6:55/**/**

The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger tells a story about love between a man and his bird. He talks about being dejected and feeling terrible earlier in the year. He was walking through the desert and felt dehydrated. He talks about Sapphire taking him to the promised land. He doesn’t know his opponent tonight but doesn’t care because he has Sapphire at his side.

Match in Five Words or Less: Still Undefeated

Match Highlights: Stranger lays down an open challenge because he knows he has a lot of enemies chasing him around. Walter Eaton, no relation to Bobby, is the three question marks. Eaton attacks right away with a series of right hands. Stranger responds with punches of his own. Clothesline takes Eaton up and over back in the ring. Right hands in the corner. Eaton has no tolerance for shenanigans and simply clotheslines him. Another right hand. Snapmare and a choke. Whip by Stranger. Double stomp by Eaton. Forearms by Eaton. Running boot and right hand by Stranger. Swinging uppercut connects. Boot sends Eaton down. Double axehandle met with a kick. Swinging neckbreaker gets two. Whip across. Stranger gets his boot up. Bulldog off the middle rope. Leg drop ends the proceedings.

Stranger stands on the top rope, and it snaps. Well then. Stranger talks about coming to Chikara for a purpose. He says he’s taken off but the plane must soon touch down. That’s a great bit of alliteration there. Not a coincidence methinks.

Match Analysis: Just a quickie to keep Stranger undefeated. This was fine and harmless for the time given.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger/5:04/*1/2/*

Match in Five Words or Less: These Ants Don’t Get Along

Match Highlights: Donst argues with people in the crowd. Hammermeier literally kisses a baby. Donst tosses Hammermeier in the ring. deviANT takes advantage with an eye rake and flying knee strike. Low cross body gets two. Soldier Ant walks away from the corner. Armdrag and hip toss by Hammermeier. He rips at deviANT’s nipples. Hammermeier tosses him outside. Donst tosses Hammermeier into the corner. Backslide by Soldier Ant gets two. Armdrag out of the quesa dora. Armdrag counter. Saluting headscissors. deviANT blind tags his partner. Donst clotheslines Soldier Ant out of the ring. He rips deviANT out. Hammermeier tries working Soldier Ant over but gets slapped. Hammermeier reverts back to his choking ways. Donst refuses to tag Hammermeier. Elbow and Hammermeier exits. Donst continues working Soldier Ant over. Soldier Ant tied in the ropes. Donst brings him down hard of course. Waistlock. Hammermeier takes another shot at Soldier Ant. Donst responds by tossing him out of the ring. Slaps from Soldier Ant. 10 punches in the corner. Samoan drop. deviANT tosses his partner out of the ring. Hammermeier shoves him away and hits an STO. He pounds the mat and gets the crowd behind him. Soldier Ant bodyslams him. Donst catches Soldier Ant with an acecrusher. Donst hits a tope suicida on deviANT. Hammermeier accidentally forearms Donst. Off the ropes and a flying headbutt by Soldier Ant. Saluting headbutt blocked. From Dusk ‘til Donst applied. Soldier Ant eventually taps.

Donst berates, shoves, and slaps Hammermeier after the match. Hammermeier won’t fight back and even has to take the sliding forearm as punishment. Donst tells Kingston it’s only a matter of time.

Match Analysis: There are two key aspects to this storyline. Donst is obviously turning what was only emotional abuse toward Hammermeier physical. It’s obviously building to a big babyface moment when Hammermeier fights back. The other component is Donst winning matches. He tapped out two key members of the ant family relatively cleanly. This is building to a Donst/Kingston at some point, but when?

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier/8:44/**/**

Match in Five Words or Less: Battle of the Rejects

Match Highlights: Very interesting match as you’ve got two guys who want to be accepted by the groups they’re forced to be in. Dunkerton makes fun of assailANT’s blue outfit. Trip by Dunkerton. Big right hand and a dropkick follow-up. Pescado hits. assailANT tossed back in the ring. Lariat misses. Flying headbutt by assailANT. Running back charge and an elbow. assailANT tries getting the crowd behind him but no dice. Leaping knee strike by Dunkerton. assailANT hits a uranagi. Headbutts by assailANT. Dunkerton hits a forearm. Flying face plant gets two. Cross body countered. assailANT has trouble lifting him up at first. Into the DVD position. He plants Dunkerton and gets three.

Match Analysis: The good news is this match didn’t have a botched finish. The bad news is they got a whopping six mintutes, and I’m not sure what this was supposed to be. I appreciate the story but needed more substance in order for this to mean something. Plus, this was supposed to be the semi-main? Very odd.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: assailANT/6:11/*1/2/**

Match in Five Words or Less: Multi –man Fun

Match Highlights: Wicked and Taylor start. Feeling out process as they take turns working the arm. Backslide by Wicked gets two. Running rana. He teases a dive but Taylor wisely gets out of the way. Boots and right hands by Kodama. Mantis comes back on him. Mongolian chop. Back and forth. Armdrag by Mantis. Springboard armdrag. DDT. Shard comes in. Quack does as well, so Shard runs. Quack works Obaryion’s arm. Obaryion chinlock. Quack tries working out with his British stylings. Whip and a back elbow by Quack. Running dropkick. Double knees miss. Flying forearm by Obaryion. Icarus, still with his jacket on, comes off the top rope. He steps down. Colony double team him. Green Ant taken up and over. Enziguri. Dropkicks from both men. Running kick and brainbuster from Fire Ant. Everyone joins in, and we have a big old battle royal. Tecnicos punch four of the rudos in the corner. They send them into Icarus who still has his jacket on. Quack ties him up and makes sure the jacket stays ON! The other eight row row row their boat. Taylor knees Quack in the back. Spear by Icarus. Off comes the jacket and he chokes Quack. Heat segment on Quack. Quack rolls out. Fire Ant chops Taylor. Whip and back elbow by Taylor.  Front chancery suplex. Shot to the back and elbow drop by Shard. Heat segment on Fire Ant now. Running boot by Taylor but Green Ant makes the save. He comes legal. Whip. Green Ant slaps Taylor in the corner. Taylor comes back. Green Ant rolls away. Hip toss and running dropkick. Taylor brings Green Ant into the corner. Icarus with a snap suplex. So it’s Green Ant’s turn to get beaten up. Wicked goes after Shard but gets taken into the corner. Wicked. Heat segment. You know the drill by now. Wicked takes Taylor up and over to the floor. Flying boot on Icarus. Enziguri on Obaryion. He kicks Kodama away. Back elbows as Mantis comes in. Full nelson slams for the Batiri. Double clothesline. Taylor with a kick to the rear end. Fire Ant with an armdrag/headscissors combination. Swinging DDT on Icarus. Tope con helo. Quack with chops for the Batiri. Double boots from the rudos. Quack sends them into each other. Boots blocked. Obaryion is forced to back drop his partner. QD3 on Obaryion. Shard breaks the count with a hard kick. Green Ant hits a LARIAT! Cloverleaf. Taylor with a double sledge from behind. Leaping knee by Taylor. Superkick into the backcracker. Wicked breaks the count. Obaryion goes after Wicked. Reverse whip. Step-up boot. Batiri regain control and hit a series of moves in the corner. Fire Ant makes the save. Gory special by Shard on Fire Ant. Mantis breaks the count. Shard sent into the corner. Mongolian chop. Up and over. Slap to the back. Ocean Cyclone Suplex. Icarus breaks the count. Wicked sends Icarus out. Envoy double team. Iconoclasm into the rolling neck snap into the swanton. Colony work over Taylor. Double team neckbreaker. Icarus breaks the count. Quack back drop. Icarus exits. Enziguri by Shard on Quack. Mantis with a blow to the back. Preying Mantis bomb prevented by Obaryion. Mantis sent head first into the corner. In the corner. Icarus with an enziguri. Drop toe hold into the knee. Fire Ant makes the save. Icarus whips him. Fire Ant sent to the floor. Blu ray blocked by Wicked. Wicked hits a Graveyard Smash on Obaryion. Shard with a kick to the back. Quack palm strikes him in the back of the head. Into a submission. Shard exits. Leaping kick dive by Quack. Green Ant superkicks Obaryion and dives. Wicked dives. Icarus goes for the pedigree. Mantis Mongolian chop. Preying Mantis Bomb and the tecnicos win.

Match Analysis: This was a fairly fun but ultimately innocuous way to end the show. Absolutely nothing wrong with it as the action was crisp and fast-paced. Just a very tough show to cap off.

Winner (s)/Time/Match Rating/Entertainment Rating: Mike Quackenbush. UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, Fire Ant, and Green Ant/21:59/***1/2/***1/2

The Verdict: Other than the opener and main event, this was merely an okay show. These southern runs have to be a pain for traveling and putting together. With shows like this one and the one in Piedmont, I question their value. No Eddie Kingston, Jigsaw, Johnny Gargano, or even Leonard Chikarason. I’d rather see full Chikara shows in familiar spots than skeleton crews trying to scratch and claw through shows like this. These shows weren’t so bad that they killed Trios momentum, but I was surely hoping for more as we rapidly head into the season finale.

For more information in CHIKARA Pro, including tickets and event information, please check their website. While you can purchase DVDs there as well, you can also purchase their DVDs on Smart Mark Video. Something relatively new to Smart Mark Video is video downloads. This is a great way to save on shipping and not have a DVD clogging your shelf (if that’s what you’re concerned about). It’s super easy to purchase and then download on your computer. I could not recommend this service strongly enough whether you’re buying CHIKARA or many other promotions.

To get a great sense of history and participate in discussion of the company, check out their official messageboard. One thing the promotion does really well? Videos. They have frequent (almost daily) updates on their YouTube channel.

As someone who is not nearly the CHIKARA fan as certain others, even I need to look up information and have a good CHIKARA resource. I can can think of no better place to do this and also read exclusive reviews of every CHIKARA show in history than at The CHIKARA Special. Kevin Ford maintains this little blog and also updates a CHIKARA Special Tumblr with news and videos nearly every day.

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