This Week In WWE TV – November 26-December 2, 2012

This week: Partial meniscus tear, partial schmeniscus tear! John Cena defies medical science by wrestling not once, not twice, but three times this week on his injured knee, which symptoms as best I can tell include very occassional limping, the inability to kiss women convincingly and according to Michael Cole causes him to fall down every now and then. Seriously I think he said that. Plus, The Shield, Team Hell N(XT)O!, fighting on Friday nights and the orbital velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa.

RAW

– Ryback d. Titus O’Neil in 3:18. This stemmed from the previous Smackdown. Young’s distraction allowed Titus to hit the sky high but Ryback kicked out at one. Ryback then took out Young and won with Shell Shocked. Afterwards, Ryback said he wasn’t going anywhere until he got Punk, the three NXT attackers or all four of them. Security showed up after the break and Ryback threw one of them out of the ring. Vickie came out and agreed to give him a TLC match against Punk if he left. Ryback scared off security before leaving. Ryback actually showed a little something different here having to talk at some length.

– Rosa confronted Hornswoggle. Alberto showed up to defend her, but Khali showed up to defend Hornswoggle. They’re friends now.

– Alberto Del Rio d. Great Khali by submission in 3:35. Rosa was shown watching backstage. Alberto worked on Khali’s arm, setting up the cross armbreaker victory after a distraction from Ricardo, who got bit by Hornswoggle.

– Punk and Heyman complained to Vickie about the Ryback match. Vickie accused them of being behind Maddox, Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns and said Punk would be competing tonight.

– Cole did a sitdown interview with Rollins, Ambrose and Reigns. He asked if they were working for Punk and Ambrose said they weren’t. Rollins said they were a shield from the injustice in WWE and anything that helped Punk was coincidence. Ambrose said if Ryback were champion for 365 days and someone tried to ruin it they’d have done the same thing. He said they weren’t the Nexus or the NWO, they were about principles and honour. Reigns finally spoke up and ended the interview. So they’re The Shield now.

– Tamina Snuka d. Alicia Fox in 2:07. Tamina did an inset promo, warning AJ not to mess with Vickie again. She won easy with the superfly splash.

– Cena came out. Apparently this whole scandal angle isn’t over, because Vickie showed up. She said she’d enjoy watching Cena and AJ implode even more than trying to expose them, which brought out AJ. AJ teased Vickie until Ziggler interrupted. Ziggler accused Cena of a cowardly attack on Smackdown and said Cena knew when AJ kissed him, she was thinking about Ziggler the whole time. Vickie then booked Cena and Ziggler tonight.

– Kofi Kingston d. Tensai in 3:29. Wade did commentary. Tensai was on top for a while and blocked Trouble In Paradise. But Kofi avoided a Vader bomb and hit Trouble In Paradise from the floor, then a crossbody for the pin. Wade handed Kofi his belt after the match.

– Bryan and Kane argued over who would win the Raw Active vote. He brought up a map and said all the blue states had voted for him. There were no red states. Bryan then showed a map of the world, which was also blue. He said they didn’t have poll data in hell so maybe Kane was winning there. Josh interrupted to show the results and Kane won the vote with 59%. Allegedly. Josh told Bryan he was facing Rey instead. They’d mentioned WWEBryan was trending earlier in the show and yet he lost. I wonder if that was deliberate or not.

– Rey Mysterio d. Daniel Bryan in 9:08. Bryan got the advantage with a flying knee off the apron and grounded Rey. Rey gave Bryan some problems throughout, before finally managing to fight back. Bryan escaped a 619 and went for the NO Lock but Rey got the ropes. He then escaped a second time and did a 619 around the ring post, followed by a splash for the win. Fun match, of course.

– Alberto and Ricardo ran into Rosa. Alberto gave her a wink.

– Josh interviewed Ziggler in his locker room. Ziggler talked up all his accomplishments in the past week and said he couldn’t wait to see the look on AJ’s face after what he did to Cena later.

– John Cena d. Dolph Ziggler in 8:56. Cena’s “slight tear” in his meniscus or whatever sure didn’t seem to give him too many problems. Ziggler held his own and did get the ropes in an STF. He escaped the AA and hit the Zig Zag, but Cena kicked out. Cena’s knee gave out as he went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Ziggler tried to expose the turnbuckle but AJ ran out. Ziggler then tried to use the briefcase, but the one legged Cena somehow hit an AA for the pin. After the match AJ and Cena kissed. At least I think that’s what it was.

– Sheamus d. Antonio Cesaro by count out in 9:19. This was just physical. Cesaro tripped Sheamus on the steps to gain control. Sheamus fought back and they beat the crap out of each other some more. Cesaro almost got the win with the Water Slide, before countering Sheamus’s flying shoulder block with an uppercut. But Sheamus countered the Neutraliser and hit a Brogue Kick, sending Cesaro outside, where he couldn’t beat the count, which at least protected Cesaro. Meanwhile Big Show teased coming down with a chair. He went to leave but Sheamus called him to the ring. He said he’d be happy to end Big Show’s career and show him what barbaric is. Big Show broke the chair with his bare hands in response.

– Damien Sandow d. Zack Ryder in 4:53. Sandow reminded us of his purpose for being in WWE before the match, rescuing us from ignorance. He got the win here after crotching Zack on the top rope, then hitting Terminus.

– Josh asked Heyman about Punk having to face Ryback. Heyman pointed out Punk had surpassed Randy Savage on the all time list and said it was injustice that Punk facing Ryback was injustice.

– CM Punk d. Kane in 7:16. Punk struggled early on until he targetted Kane’s knee. Punk hit a dive, but seemed to hurt his own knee. Kane fought back. But as he set up the Chokeslam Punk countered. Kane finally did catch Punk with a Chokeslam to counter a springboard though. But Heyman pulled Punk close to the ropes to save him. As Kane went for a Tombstone, The Shield then appeared to distract Kane. Punk escaped and hit the GTS for the win.

– After the match The Shield teased that they were going after Punk, but attacked Kane. Bryan ran out to try and make the save but was taken out too. Ryback made the save, which got a big reaction. Punk ran, as Ryback was ambushed. He fought back and powerbombed Rollins, then clotheslined the other two. Punk tried a sneak attack and Ryback went to powerbomb him but Reigns speared him in mid move and Ryback was given the triple powerbomb by The Shield. Once The Shield left, Punk then posed over Ryback with his title.

MAIN EVENT

– Both Cena and Sandow had video packages before their match. They also showed a Tout from Cody wishing him luck. Sandow begged everyone’s indulgence on the way to the ring, quoting Socrates and promising to end Cena’s stranglehold of ignorance.

– John Cena d. Damien Sandow by submission in 13:30. Crowd were mostly behind Cena as Sandow stalled in the early going. Cena brought Sandow back in, but Sandow turned the tables. Sandow escaped an early AA attempt. He controlled things so much we got no less than four cartwheels, one with Cena tied in the ropes. Cena escaped but was then sent into the steps. Cena eventually made a comeback and Sandow countered the AA again. But Cena escaped the neckbreaker and applied the STF, with Sandow immediately tapping. I love Sandow but this felt a little too long.

– Josh was supposed to interview Sandow. Instead, Josh read a letter Sandow had given him to read in his absense. Did I mention I love Damien Sandow? It said the day of enlightenment had been postponed due to ignorance.

– Antonio Cesaro d. Zack Ryder in 5:47. A short video aired for Cesaro, showing off some of his best moves. Cesaro dictated the match and even avoided Zack’s token boot in the corner, then countered a dive from Zack with an uppercut, before hitting the Neutraliser. I’m sure we’ll get this match on Raw soon when Cesaro needs someone ‘new’ to beat and I’m fine with that. Cesaro did an anti-USA promo after the match and said he was the best champion in WWE, until Kofi interrupted and challenged him to a match next week. Main Event is definitely the most efficient WWE show every week.

NXT

– Daniel Bryan talked about this being his return to NXT and bragged about his accomplishments, such as his successful line of t-shirts and his immaculate beard. Bryan demanded nobody say YES on his way to the ring and nobody call him a goatface. He also told Kane to stay out of his way. They bickered until Bryan got mad and left.

– Leo Kruger d. Trent Baretta in 4:43. Trent had his ribs taped from the attack last week. Trent attacked on the bell but Kruger went after the ribs. Trent showed some fight, but Kruger survived and hit the Kruger End for the pin.

– Xavier Woods d. Memo Montenegro in 2:15. Xavier won with a rolling clothesline, which meant we got to hear his music twice. Thumbs up.

– Audrey Marie d. Emma in 2:40. Not the most creative of names, Emma. She lost after a catatonic slam.

– Roman Reigns was supposed to be interviewed. Instead, the interviewer read a press release that had been given to him to read in his absense. Wait, didn’t I review this segment already on Main Event? That’s unfortunate. Anyway, the upshot was he wasn’t there because he was doing something more important.

– Michael Cole came out, to Kerwin White’s old music it should be noted, to host a Face To Face between Seth Rollins and Jinder Mahal. Rollins said Jinder couldn’t beat him one on one. Jinder called him a fluke and said it was his birth right to be champion. Rollins got fired up and said Jinder didn’t have the heart of a champion. Sure enough, it turned into a fight and Jinder put Seth in the camel clutch.

– WWE Tag Team Championships: Team Hell No! (c) d. Johnny Curtis and Michael McGillicutty (Bryan submitted McGillicutty) in 7:02. JR claimed this was Curtis cashing in his Tag Team Title shot from NXT Season 4. Closure after all this time! Lots of YES chants. Bryan and Kane had their usual troubles getting along. Bryan was cut off, with Kane making the comeback. As he set up the Chokeslam, Bryan tagged back in and McGillicutty almost took advantage. Kane teased a Chokeslam on Bryan, before giving it to Curtis while Bryan made McGillicutty tap to the NO Lock. At the crowd’s request, Kane and Bryan then hugged it out after the match.

SUPERSTARS

– Santino Marella d. David Otunga in 7:49. Santino had his fun early. Otunga got his act together for a while before Santino fired up and made a Santino style comeback, leading to the Cobra.

– Brodus Clay d. JTG in 1:26. Quick win for Brodus with the splash.

SMACKDOWN

– Cena came out. He said was excited for the main event tonight, because it involved Ziggler. He accused Ziggler of hiding behind the briefcase, before Del Rio interrupted. Alberto said Cena should be more worried about him. He told Cena to leave his show. Cena instead challenged Alberto to a match and gave him a right hand.

– John Cena d. Alberto Del Rio in 11:24. Alberto soon took over and controlled things. They showed Ziggler watching backstage. New drinking game for the masochistic, every time JBL says “we fight on Friday night!”, take a shot. Cena countered the cross armbreaker into the STF but Alberto got the ropes. Alberto then missed a charge with Cena in the tree of woe and posted his shoulder. And Cena caught Alberto with the flying legdrop to the back of the head for the win. Afterwards, Ziggler laid out Cena with the briefcase on the stage.

– Backstage Kofi tried to play peacemaker with Kane and Bryan. Kane and Bryan actually psyched each other up and ended up chanting YES to the idea of getting along.

– Cena spoke to Booker, who asked Cena not to interfere later. Cena agreed.

– Great Khali d. David Otunga in 1:17. Hornswoggle got involved on Khali’s behalf, before he won with the big head chop. Then they danced.

– Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No! d. Wade Barrett and The Primetime Players (Bryan submitted Young) in 10:40. Kane and Bryan actually came out together. And then, in the match, they actually worked cohesively, making proper tags and doing double team moves. Progress? Bryan was eventually cut off by the PTP and worked over. Kane ran wild and Kofi gave Wade Trouble In Paradise to knock him off the apron. Kane then caught Young off the top with a Chokeslam, then tagged Bryan to hit a flying headbutt, followed by the NO Lock.

– Striker interviewed Sheamus. Sheamus said he was going to treat Ziggler like he was Big Show and by the end, he’d be begging Cena to put him out of his misery.

– Sandow came out to beg our indulgence. He said his attempts to enlight us had been futile, but he wouldn’t abandon us. Sandow said he would share his knowledge on an individual basis from now on. He selected someone from the crowd to be his apprentice. The fan played to the crowd and Sandow immediately told him to stop. Sandow asked three qualifying questions. He did not know the orbital velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa, which as everyone knows is 13.74 kilometres per second. Sandow told the fan he’d embarrassed himself, his family and the entire state of Louisiana and told him to leave. This needs to happen every week.

– Damien Sandow d. Tyson Kidd in 2:51. Kidd had his moments, but Sandow blocked a springboard elbow and won with Terminus.

– Striker interviewed Ziggler. He complained about AJ costing him his match with Cena on Raw. He claimed tonight would probably be another handicap match with Cena around. Ziggler said tonight Sheamus would be looking at the next World Champion.

– Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal of the 3MB d. The Usos (Jinder pinned Jey) in 2:33. Jey ran wild until a cheap shot from Heath, setting up a win for Jinder with a full nelson slam. Better than the camel clutch at least.

– Sheamus d. Dolph Ziggler by DQ in 8:45. Sheamus gave Ziggler a fallaway slam into the barrier. Ziggler recovered and dropkicked Sheamus off the apron to take control. Sheamus got back into things but Ziggler avoided the Brogue Kick and almost scored the win. After momentum swung back and forth near the end Sheamus got the cloverleaf, but Big Show ran out for the disqualification. Cena ran out for the save and hit an AA on Ziggler, before a double suplex and shoulder block sent Big Show out of the ring.