This week: Ric Flair returns to WWE and is crowned WWE’s 2012 Superstar Of The Year. I think that’s grounds for a recount if you ask me. That and more Slammy related nonsense, on the yearly show that makes you think “at least it’s not as bad as the year when Dennis Miller hosted”. Plus, The Boogeyman, Big Show’s big chair, Big E’s big WWE debut and time up for Tensai.
RAW SLAMMY AWARDS
- Rey Mysterio d. Damien Sandow in 3:12. Cole and Lawler explained how to download the WWE App for the first time in the show. And not the last. Rey got the win here with a 619 and a splash
- Kofi Kingston won Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Moment Of The Year. Booker T presented the award. Nominees were Brad Maddox costing Ryback at Hell In A Cell, Bryan losing in 18 seconds at Wrestlemania, Kofi Kingston avoiding elimination from the Royal Rumble with a handstand and Punk giving Rock the GTS at Raw 1000. Before Booker could make the announcement, The Boogeyman returned for no real reason, except to give Booker a cue to say his line. Brad Maddox came out before Booker’s announcement assuming he’d won. When he didn’t, he left sadly.
- Kaitlyn d. Eve Torres in 2:06. Kaitlyn won with a gutbuster and stole Eve’s routine with posing for the ringside camera man.
- Jerry Lawler won Comeback Of The Year. New Age Outlaws presented. Nominees were Lesnar, Jericho, DX at Raw 1000 and Lawler. Lawler gave a nice short speech.
- Kofi Kingston d. Tensai in 1:08. Kofi won easy with Trouble In Paradise. After the match Barrett attacked Kofi and laid him out with the Bull Hammer with an assist from the ring post.
- AJ and John Cena won Kiss Of The Year. Nominees were AJ and Kane, AJ and Bryan, AJ and Punk and, yes, AJ and Cena. Vickie presented the award to AJ, of course. Vickie told AJ to explain what she did at TLC and AJ refused. They argued until Ziggler broke it up and ended up being kissed by AJ.
- Great Khali d. David Otunga in 1:56. Otunga tried to take out Khali’s leg, but it didn’t do much good as Khali hit the big chop for the pin.
- John Cena won Superstar Of The Year. Nominees were Sheamus, Big Show, Punk and Cena. A returning Ric Flair did the presenting duties. Cena won and decided he was going to give the Slammy to Flair. This brought out Punk and Heyman. Punk pointed out all the reasons Cena shouldn’t have won and ran down Flair. Punk said he could kick Flair’s ass with one leg, so Flair accepted and went to the ring.
- Punk followed on his crutches and jabbed Flair with one, then broke it over his back. Punk managed a one legged strut but Flair thumbed him in the eyes. Flair then put Heyman in the figure four. Once Punk and Heyman were run off Flair started to cut a promo putting over Philly, until The Shield appeared. Kane and Bryan came out to try and even the odds. The Shield managed to pick off each guy before teasing the powerbomb through the table on Flair. But Ryback made the save and The Shield were sent packing by Ryback and Team Hell No, who all then held Flair aloft on their shoulders.
- Flair thanked Kane and Bryan backstage. It turned into a crazy YES, NO, WOO off. Ron Simmons then showed up to say DAMN.
- Brodus Clay d. JTG in 1:53. Brodus got the win with his big splash in fairly short fashion.
- The Rock won LOL Moment Of The Year. Santino and Tensai presented the award. Tensai had a giant ice pack on his head and tripped coming out. So that’s the Tensai experiment over. Santino said Tensai translated to “Fat Albert”. Nominees were Rock throwing Cena merchandise into the river, Team Hell No at anger management, Orton dumping coffee on Ricardo and Vickie dancing. Rock won. He wasn’t there because, you know. Bryan came out arguing he should have won and Kane had to drag him away.
- Cody Rhodes d. Sin Cara in 4:17. Sin Cara got things going late on, but Cody caught him with Cross Rhodes for the pin.
- #FeedMeMore won the Trending Now Award. Zack and Layla presented. Nominees were #FeedMeMore, #PeoplePower, #LittleJimmy and #WWWYKI. I actually thought Laurinaitis might win and return. No such luck.
- Big Show came out with his big chair. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be funny, but it is. Show bragged about beating Sheamus. Sheamus interrupted and was gracious about losing. He shook Show’s hand and went to leave, but Show started taunting him. So Sheamus attacked and hit Big Show with his big chair a few times, before delivering a Brogue Kick. As Sheamus left, Ziggler came out to cash in his contract. But before he could do so, Cena ran out and attacked Dolph.
- Ziggler complained to Vickie, who was unsympathetic. Ziggler called her jealous, old and ugly. She ended up booking herself and Cena against Dolph and AJ later.
- The Miz, Alberto Del Rio and Tommy Dreamer d. 3MB (Dreamer pinned Slater) in 10:40. Yes, Tommy Dreamer. It was Philly after all. Del Rio hit a dive on 3MB and Dreamer came off the top onto all three. 3MB got the advantage on Miz for I don’t even know how long, before Alberto made a comeback. Alberto had Slater set up for the cross armbreaker, but gave Dreamer the win instead with a DDT.
- Ryback won Newcomer Of The Year. Sheamus presented. Nominees were Cesaro, Brodus, Sandow and Ryback. Ryback quoted Owen Hart and said enough was enough and it was time for a change.
- Ryback d. Antonio Cesaro by count out in 2:34. Cesaro complained about the voting being rigged and claimed that he should be newcomer of the year. Cesaro got to display his power a little, but Ryback countered the Neutraliser. So Cesaro grabbed his belt and decided to take the count out.
- The Undertaker and Triple H won Match Of The Year. Mene Gene, Ricky Steamboat and JR all presented the award. Nominees were Undertaker vs Triple H at Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar vs John Cena at Extreme Rules, Sheamus versus Big Show at Hell In A Cell and The Rock vs John Cena at Wrestlemania. HHH accepted the award, with his new short haircut. He warned that we hadn’t seen the last of Undertaker.
- The Shield attacked Dreamer and Ricardo backstage.
- John Cena and Vickie Guerrero d. Dolph Ziggler and AJ by DQ in 4:24. Before the match AJ did a promo on top of a ladder, but before she could explain herself Vickie interrupted her. AJ left after fighting briefly with Vickie, so Vickie left too. In the end, Cena got the STF but AJ returned, with Big E Langston. Big E gave Cena his falling powerslam and AJ skipped around, as Ziggler looked confused.
- Miz hosted MizTV with AJ and Ziggler, with Big E, as his guests. AJ blamed Cena for costing her her job and then leading her on. She got upset about Cena calling the bows she made for him crap. Crowd chanted that she was crazy. AJ said Cena broke her heart. Big E squared up to Miz when he called AJ crazy. Ziggler said AJ wasn’t crazy (and made her cover her ears when he said crazy). He said he didn’t need Slammys, because he had his contract, he stole the show and stole Cena’s girlfriend. Miz cracked some jokes at them, so Big E laid him out. If you weren’t on the bandwagon before, let me repeat, he laid out The Miz for telling jokes.
- Teddy suggested to Booker he give Maddox an opportunity. Booker wasn’t impressed that he had a Youtube show, but ended up agreeing to give him a match.
- Damien Sandow d. Sin Cara in 6:21. Rey’s music played, but he didn’t come out. Reason being, The Shield appeared, carrying Rey’s mask. That distraction allowed Sandow to hit Terminus. The Shield then attacked Sin Cara and injured his knee.
- Santino Marella d. Tensai in 4:20. Santino had his fun and ended up slamming Tensai on a third attempt. Tensai blocked the Cobra once, then headbutted the Cobra to block a second time. But he missed a senton and Santino stole the win. Don’t know what this says about anything, but this was 90% comedy and maybe the best reaction a Tensai match has got.
- Kofi and Team Hell No were backstage. Kane warned Kofi about The Shield. Kofi noticed Bryan was mad at him for some reason. He complained about not winning a Slammy. When Bryan saw Kofi’s Slammy he freaked out, which was amazing. Kofi accidentally made things worse by suggesting Ric Flair had the best catchphrase ever. Kane and Kofi left Bryan behind screaming NO NO NO.
- Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No! d. Wade Barrett and The Primetime Players (Kane pinned Young) in 10:48. Kofi immediately went after Barrett. The heel team isolated Bryan briefly, then Kofi. Kane made a comeback before Titus hit the sky high and things broke down. And after Bryan pulled out Titus, Kane hit the Chokeslam for the win over Darren.
- Backstage Sheamus tried to explain Father Ted to Cena. Cena decided to focus on their match tonight instead and Sheamus said he was looking forward to it. Oh and they did some comedy.
- Punk came out with Heyman. Punk criticised everyone for not voting him as Superstar Of The Year and turning the ‘prestigious’ Slammys into a popularity contest. He ran down the crowd and called Cena a hypocrite for acception and giving the Slammy to Flair. Punk said his title reign was more impressive than Flair’s sixteen. He ranted, until Ryback interrupted. Punk fended off Ryback with his crutches, as Ryback said he would become WWE Champion on the first Raw of 2013. Punk was great here.
- Ryback d. Antonio Cesaro in 5:14. Rematch from Raw. This time Cesaro sent Ryback into the steps and tried to win by count out. That didn’t work, but it did give Cesaro the advantage for a while. Ryback regrouped though and won with Shell Shocked.
- Kaitlyn ran into AJ. AJ acted weird with her and it ended up turning into a fight that had to be broken up.
- WWE Divas Championship: Kaitlyn d. Eve Torres (c) by DQ in 5:40. After Eve dominated, Kaitlyn got a few near falls, before Eve clung onto the referee until he was forced to disqualify her.
- Big Show warned Dolph not to try anything tonight. AJ stopped Big E from squaring up to Big Show. Show said if he got the slightest inkling Ziggler was going to cash in tonight, he’d KO him to the point his contract would expire before he woke up again.
- Brodus Clay d. Brad Maddox in 2:09. Maddox cut a promo on the way to the ring about how nobody would forget the name Brad Maddox after he won tonight. Sadly, he did not. The Shield attacked Brodus after the match though and gave him the triple powerbomb.
- John Cena and Sheamus d. Dolph Ziggler and Big Show by DQ in 11:29. Show and Ziggler worked over Cena. He managed to tag Sheamus, who was clotheslined outside by Big Show to cut his momentum off. Cena made his comeback and went for the AA, but Show stopped it. As Show and Sheamus brawled to the back Ziggler hit a Zig Zag for two. Cena then hit the AA, but Big E took him out again for the DQ. AJ and Ziggler made out to celebrate.
- WWE Tag Team Championships: Team Hell No! (c) d. Team Rhodes Scholars (Bryan pinned Cody) in 17:53 to retain the titles. Cody demanded to start against Kane. His bravery didn’t last long once Kane bounced him around a bit. The challengers struggled, but eventually got Kane down after sending him into the steps. Bryan ran wild, but was sent off the apron into the barrier by Sandow. Kane got the tag and fought off a double superplex. Sandow hit Terminus but Bryan broke it up. Cody then hit Cross Rhodes on Bryan and a disaster kick on Kane for two. A moonsault missed and Kane hit a Chokeslam, followed with a diving headbutt by Bryan.
- The Primetime Players d. Zack Ryder and Santino Marella (Titus pinned Zack) in 6:40. After some goofiness at the start, the PTP took control. Santino hit Young with the Cobra, but Titus beat Ryder with a sky high powerbomb.
- The Usos d. Primo and Epico (Jey pinned Primo) in 8:22. Usos teased a splash early and Epico escaped, but Jimmy wiped both opponents out with a dive instead. Jey was cut off, with Jimmy eventually making a big comeback. After Epico was taken out, Jey then got the victory with the superfly splash. As soon as the match ended though, the lights went out and The Ascension appeared on the screen and said the war was far from over.
- Two On One Handicap Match: Big E Langston d. Camacho and Aiden English in 1:13. In no time at all Big E took care of English and invited Camacho to tag in, but he refused, so Big E finished off English instead. Big E gave English the five count twice afterwards as Camacho backed away.
- Kassius Ohno d. Percy Watson in 5:21. Ohno got the win with the Death Blow, after some resistance from Percy, then goaded Regal as he left.
- JR did an in ring interview with Rollins. Rollins said he was fine with having a bullseye on his back and was a fighting champion. Corey Graves ran in and clipped his knee, then put him in the 13th Step until referees dragged him off. As Rollins was helped out, Graves made JR hold the microphone for him and he said he wanted the NXT Title.
- Cena did a promo, telling everyone to watch the NXT Year Review show on December 26th.
- Big Show d. Bo Dallas in 4:53. Show dominated, obviously. Some of the crowd chanted for Sheamus which made Show mad. Bo got a sleeper and managed to put up somewhat of a fight. But Big Show survived it and hit the KO punch.
Was a Best Of Raw recap show.
What You (Probably) Need To See:- Everything involving Flair on Raw.- Punk’s promo on Smackdown.- Team Hell No versus Cody and Sandow from Main Event.- And Usos versus Primo and Epico on NXT.
Chris Bacon has been a wrestling fan for as long as he can remember, partially due to a terrible memory. After many childhood years of renting VHS tapes repeatedly, reading magazines constantly and scrounging VHS recordings of PPVs from school friends he has things much easier now. His tastes have refined slightly since then, thanks to discovering independent and Japanese professional wrestling, but still likes to enjoy things for ironic and questionable reasons more than he perhaps should. Which explains why he recaps WWE without being consumed by the bitterness and rage that usually accompany the job. Most of the time. His one claim to wrestling fame is winning a contest to name a CHIKARA show a few years ago. He wishes his bad puns and eye rolling wordplay would come in handy more often, but still wears the free t-shirt.
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