For those unaware, ‘British Boot Camp’ is a reality show currently exclusive to the UK, in which four aspiring independent talents compete for a spot on the Impact Wrestling roster. The names will be familiar to those who follow the British indie scene; Rockstar Spud, Marty Scurll and The Blossom Twins. For the debut of the show, Challenge TV ran the first two episodes back to back.

British Boot Camp

EPISODE 1:

The show opened with a slick video package which explained that Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter were behind the concept.

They showed footage of the unveiling of the show’s roster at a jam-packed pub somewhere in Britain. For the record, I will say that I don’t follow the UK indies close enough to have any clue who these people are, so I’m very much your average viewer here.

  • Marty Scurll was up first. He was a contestant on a dating show and, well, it shows. He has a great look and they had some impressive footage of him working with Sami Callihan in RevPro. Magnus said they trained together and Scurll was his best friend. He gave the cliche speech about seeing TNA in Wembley and wanting to have his name on the poster someday. He also talked about “proving his doubters wrong.”
  • Rockstar Spud is contestant number two.  As the name suggests he has a rockstar look, even a bit glammy. They had footage of him from Frontier Wrestling Alliance. He talked about getting into wrestling by being mesmerized by Hulk Hogan. His dialog in this video package was all in-character heel shtick, bragging about how he would be a top star while his peers from school would be plumbers.
  • The Blossom Twins are the final contestants, I guess competing as one act. They’re pretty girls who said they’ve been wrestling for eight years. Interestingly they had footage of the girls from OVW – so I’m unsure if this is a coincidence or a WWE Tough Enough style situation where they already have contracts with the promotion. A video package is not enough to judge obviously, but they showed the twins doing some highspots that looked pretty good. Aside from wrestling, the girls teach six and seven year old kids, including those with learning difficulties. Obviously, this came off as a wholesome babyface pairing.

Dixie wished everyone luck and said an all time British legend would be putting them through their paces.

Like a deleted scene from Jersey Shore, the segue to commercial teased Rockstar Spud getting wasted and punching Scurll in the mouth. I’m going to be judgmental here and say that after one video package I can’t blame him.

Back from break, there was some kind of promo contest in the bar. Rockstar Spud referenced that ‘Party Marty’ had in fact been on a dating show recently. I remember reading about at the time but couldn’t bring myself to watch. I’m unsure if this show has made it outside of the UK and Ireland but Scurll was on ‘Take Me Out’; a truly shallow and moronic bit of television. And that’s coming from a pro wrestling columnist. Marty retorted that Spud was a wanker for wearing sunglasses in doors. Both men make valid points here. Spud had some comments off-stage about Scurll and him having history. Scurll said Spud wouldn’t disrespect him again.

Dixie said she expected professionalism from the contestants and, of course, we immediately cut to a sequence highlighting what an alcoholic Rockstar Spud is. I mean alcoholic in the playful pants-pissing way of course, not the serious way. He was shown swigging straight from a bottle of vodka, and also asking for more drinks in the limo while one of the twins looked concerned and asked him to slow down. Scurll called him a lightweight. Scurll also said Hannah, the twin with a fringe, was cool and kinda cute. Trouble is brewing there.

Spud was completely wasted at 6:03pm and a confrontation brewed between him and Scurll. Perhaps this is just the case in real life but they both came off like hugely unlikable characters here. The girls were unhappy because they somehow got separated from the lads. The foursome reunited and the guys buried the girls for being a pair of “goody two shoes.” Spud was in full on drunk heel mode and cut a promo about how he wasn’t one of the school children the girls looked after.

The Blossom Twins are infinitely more likeable than the boys, but run the risk of flying under the radar. (photo: Challenge.co.uk)
The Blossom Twins are infinitely more likeable than the boys, but run the risk of flying under the radar. (photo: Challenge.co.uk)

Dixie said she wasn’t surprised there was history between the two guys. Scurll called Spud a man-child. He mocked Spud’s drinking habit and encouraged him to urinate against a doorway in public, before telling the camera that if Spud got arrested it was his own fault. Back in the limo, Scurll was trolling Spud about – I swear to God – HAVING DOUBLE HIS TWITTER FOLLOWERS. I am massively amused by this but I don’t know if I’d put this out there if my plan was to make one of these guys a star. Drunkenly arguing about twitter followers is beyond lame. Spud blew up in the limo about how Marty only got those followers because he was on a dating show. This trolling was a success, obviously. The girls were very uncomfortable.

Spud said “if the girls weren’t here Marty, I’d hit you.” Marty was highly amused. He doubted this and goaded Spud. Spud snapped and did in fact throw a jab right in Marty’s face. Marty was gloating about how mentioning twitter followers made Spud snap. Seriously. Spud got out of the limo, shouted “FUCK OFF” in the middle of the street, and disappeared into the night without answering his phone. The girls were very concerned, while Marty boasted about being left with the two girls. Conveniently, while he was missing, Spud still had a camera crew with him. They filmed him getting more and more drunk.

The morning after the night before. The girls were wide awake, bubbly and unreasonably attractive for 7:30am. Scurll was also up early, douchbagging it up in the gym. Stunningly, Spud was hungover.

We got the big unveiling of the British legend who would be in charge of the four contestants. It was Rollerball Rocco, who Tenay and Hogan put over as a revolutionary performer. The contestants all acted surprised and talked about his reputation.

Training began immediately. Spud did not show up when prompted. Rocco found him puking behind a dumpster, like a true rock star. The cliffhanger for episode two was that Rocco might cut Spud for this, but that one of the twins also had an injury.

EPISODE 2:

We pick up immediately where episode one left off. Rocco chastised Spud for being hungover. Spud unsurprisingly didn’t see the issue. Rocco lectured him on throwing his career away. This whole thing felt a little prepared. Dixie Carter said if Rocco didn’t endorse someone in the competition, they’d be cut. I’m unsure what the actual process of elimination is here, but whatever.

The twins volunteered to get in the ring first. Rocco gave them the ring to do with as they please, and to impress him. With the way shows like this are edited it’s always difficult to really gauge talent, but the twins seemed to have solid fundamentals. Spud and Scurll put them over as competition. Eventually, the girls got lost and had to start over. There was a confusing spot where Hannah missed a dropkick and somehow tweaked her ankle. She fought through the injury and kept going. Again, everyone put her over. This whole sequence really presented them as more than a pair of pretty faces and a genuine presence in the contest.

Up next, PARTY MARTY AND ROCKSTAR SPUD! I get the feeling that these two could put on a great pro wrestling match, but would kill their careers dead if people were to see them have what would undoubtedly be a pathetic shoot fight. Spud did put over Scurll as a great wrestler. In the ring, Marty looked good with some chain wresting on the mat, and actually managed to tie Spud up in knots to an extent. In a talking head segment recorded after the fact, Scurll  said he was more than happy to school Spud while he was hungover. Spud shouted to “let him out of the move” which I’m sure impressed Rocco. Rocco was ridiculing Spud, and Spud was getting frustrated that he couldn’t get his stuff in. He stormed out of the ring, and it was completely embarrassing. As much of blatant troll as Scurll is, Spud has looked terrible in these first two episodes – like a whiny child who is way out of his depth. Can’t handle his drink, can’t handle the competition – all we need now is for him to literally cry over spilled milk. Rocco was having none of this and insisted Spud get back in the ring. They had a shouting match and Rocco physically grabbed Spud by the arm and shoved him back into the gym. Rocco then decided that HE would work with Spud, to prove a point.

Rocco put Spud in a choke and Spud wouldn’t tap. This earned Rocco’s respect. Old school.

Apparently it was neck-cutting time, and Rocco said he wasn’t going to eliminate anyone. This would have had more gravitas if they had made it clear what was happening, what the “schedule” for eliminations was, and what the criteria was.

Episode two focused more on actual competition, with in-ring training, media rounds, and a promo contests.
Episode two focused more on actual competition, with in-ring training, media rounds, and a promo contests.

Back from commercial, Simon Rothstein, a TNA publicist, had arranged for the girls to be interviewed by Cosmopolitan magazine, and the guys to be on the TalkSport radio show. This was a test of how they’d handle themselves with the media. Each contestant was also interviewed by Patrick Lennon of the Daily Star. Context for my American/international friends; The Daily Star is a newspaper I feed to my dog when it misbehaves.

Lennon asked of Spud; “are you the most annoying wrestler in the world?” That was the highlight. Every other question was what you’d expect, nothing particularly probing or scathing. They cut to the guys doing their radio interview. Scurll is telling anyone who will listen that he’s got a thing for Hannah. I’m sure this will come back to bite him.

They had 10 seconds of footage of the girls being interviewed by Cosmopolitan which, to me, seems like the biggest name anyone here has spoken to.

They regrouped in a limo with the publicist again and he criticised Marty for being on the front page of The Sun newspaper before, saying that is not the kind of coverage TNA wants. I’m not sure I believe TNA hates front page news, good or bad. The group arrived at The Sun for an interview, where the twins put over Dixie as a strong independent woman. Scurll said Dixie was attractive and “I would.” They then cut to an incredibly phony looking shot of the TNA publicist chastising Marty in a hallway, and Scurll doing his amateur hour apologetic routine. This was one of many fake looking scenes on the show, but I did’t note most of them because that’s just the nature of reality TV – but this one was so forced.

Borash was there to present the next challenge; a promo cutting contest in front of a jam packed live crowd at Progress Wrestling.

Spud was up first and got huge amounts of heat. He cut a good, if generic, heel promo about what a star he was. Crowd chanted for ‘Party Marty.’

The Blossom Twins came out to talk. Spud took the mic before they could. He called them ring rats, but they snatched the mic back off him and fired back with a joke about the size of his penis. He sold it like he was Ric Flair. Hannah got fired up and slapped Spud for calling her a rat. They did okay, but it was obvious the Spud routine was a crutch.

Scurll was last and he came out doing a party boy routine, drinking beer and pumping his fist. He was super over with the crowd. He buried Spud for looking like a 14 year old. The crowd decided who won with cheers, so obviously Marty won. Spud and Party Marty teased a fight, but Spud ran off with his tail between his legs saying he wasn’t wrestling in front of 300 drunk idiots. Another faker than fake moment came when Borash and the twins kept trying to act like Spud stealing the mic was a shoot moment.  Borash claimed all four did well and passed the test.

Everyone said goodbye to their loved ones and set sail for the United States of Freedom and Success for the next stage of the contest.

Next week: The Brits arrive at Bound for Glory 2012, meet Sting, and presumably the guys continue acting unlikable in a different timezone.

Conclusion: This was a super fun hour of entertainment. As with Tough Enough and almost every modern reality show; there was a number of very jarring, very noticeably staged moments that were impossible to ignore but other than that, this was worth going out of your way to see. If things like Jersey Shore get under your skin, perhaps give it a miss, as the appeal of episode one in particular was seeing these hugely unlikable men get wasted and argue with each other. That said; there are some charismatic talents here, and there is enough of a sense of competition that I am genuinely interested to see who ends up the victor.

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