Lucha Underground 8/9/2017 Review: Bloodlines

We start off the night right by diving straight into lucha action. It’s a 6-Man Tag Team Match between The Rabbit Tribe (Paul London, Saltador, and Mala Suerte) and the Worldwide Underground (Taya, Ricky Mandel, and PJ Black). It was a comedy match with Worldwide as the straight men with The Rabbit Tribe as the goofs up to their usual wackiness. This actually made for an entertaining opener and provided some entertaining spots, particularly when everyone in the Rabbit Tribe tried to take a bullet for each other to save Suerte from Taya’s signature lower knee strike. The finish saw Paul London get the pin for his team with a Shooting Star Press. Not much more to say other than this was a fun match for what it was.

Backstage, on behalf of his new manager, Mundo scolds Worldwide for losing to a bunch of “wackjobs who worship carrots.” Mundo added that he wants them to ensure he walks out of his match with Mysterio in a couple weeks retaining his title. If he doesn’t, there will be consequences.

In a Quarterfinal Cueto Cup match, Mil Muertes takes on his latest rival, Jeremiah Crane. In a big contrast from our last match, we get an all-out brawl with the two fighting before the bell even rings. During the commercial, the two fight to the back and when we return, Crane comes crashing through the Temple door. I loved how the more these two dudes fought each other, the more you got a sense of how much these two hated each other. I bought into it and I bought into their brawl. Sounds like a success to me and the bell hasn’t even rang yet!

By time they finally make it to the ring, they just start flinging each other around the arena into crowd chairs. They duke it out for about 10-15 minutes before they get in the ring. Thanks to the last minute No DQ rules, chairs get involved. Mil slams Crane onto a sat-up chair, Crane decks a chair into Mil’s neck, and Crane hits a con-chairto onto Mil’s neck. As if this couldn’t get any more violent, Crane introduces a table and within moments, Mil spears Crane through it. Well, more like onto it as the table doesn’t even break. That is until Mil powerbombs Crane on it. The fight continues as Crane’s still got some fight in him, answering with a guillotine choke, and then a big kick-out from a chokeslam. That’s when Mil decides to introduce another table. A table which Crane cannonballs Mil through.

Somehow, this match is STILL going! Crane jumps from the top rope and goes for the kill, but Mil catches him with a Flat Liner in mid-air outta nowhere for the win. To add insult to injury, Catrina goes for her signature face lick, but instead, smooches Crane on the lips. Understandably enraged, Mil hits Crane with another Flat Liner before leaving. Man, this really should have been the main event. This match was freakin’ nuts. This was one of the craziest matches to take place in The Temple in a while, which says a lot because there have been A LOT of crazy matches this summer. Might be the craziest since Crane vs Killshot (which still might be my MOTY so far). Unlike that highflying spotfest, this was just pure unrelenting fists flying between two guys who couldn’t stand each other and I dug the hell out of it.

Back in Dario Cueto’s office, he gets a visit from Agent Winter. Apparently, the two have “similar interests.” Winter is replacing Delgado after Delgado got murdered by Cage a few weeks back. From now on, Winter is keeping an eye on Cueto and his Temple. Lucky for Cueto, Winter is a big fan of the Temple wrestling, especially of Pentagon Dark. Before leaving, Winter ominously adds that Pentagon and everybody else will burn “when the war comes.” Am I the only one who got distracted by the fact that Winter was played by the comedian, Godfrey? I can’t take an FBI Agent seriously when he’s the guy from Phat Girlz.

Speaking of Pentagon Dark, he’s in action next against El Texano in a another Cueto Cup Quarterfinal contest and our main event. Things kick off hard and fast for this one. So fast that Texano jumps on the top rope and slips to the outside, then Pentagon capitalizes with a Suicide Dive. Not sure if that was a planned spot or Texano really did fall to the floor. If it’s the latter, then Pentagon is really good at improvising. Anyway, the two are able to move on from the botch with some stiff shots. It’s like watching a lucha version of Strong Style.  Halfway through, Famous B and Brenda stroll out to cheer Texano on. Since Texano has been adamant about not signing to be managed by Famous B, he distracts Texano and it ends up costing him in the end. Famous B tries to help while Brenda distracts the ref. Famous B slides in a golden horsehoe, but overshoots it and Pentagon gets it instead. Pentagon clocks Texano upside the head with the horseshoe and wins the match, advancing in the tournament. Good stuff, but I thought the interference really took away from the match. The interference overshadowed the match itself and also made it seem to obvious who would win.

Pentagon goes for his usual arm break on Texano, but Famous B insists that Pentagon shouldn’t break the arm of his future client. So, instead, Pentagon breaks Famous B’s arm. Then, just for the hell of it, Pentagon breaks Brenda’s arm too, all to an elated, bloodthirsty crowd.

Before we head off the air, Catrina enters the police station to speak to the female police chief, who warns Catrina about the incoming Gods that will arrive if they don’t get Cage’s gauntlet. Catrina doesn’t care until the chief reminds Catrina that she gave Catrina life, revealing the medallion that apparently gives the police chief life. Catrina strikes a deal with the woman revealed to be her mother. Man, Lucha Underground just throws a bunch of shit at you and everything just gets weirder by the second. Not saying it’s bad television, but it’s a lot to take in. I’m way too confused trying to take all this in to actually be shocked with the 9,000 twists introduced in the last two minutes.

Other than that weird segment, this was a damn good episode of Lucha Underground tonight. I admit, the show goes downhill after Crane vs Mil, but let’s face it, it’s hard to follow up anything after a match like that. Again, it should have been the main event and above anything else, it’s a match that you guys need to seek out ASAP.

Joe Anthony Myrick

A photographer/journalist working out of Detroit.

wambamitsjam has 55 posts and counting.See all posts by wambamitsjam

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