CHIKARA 01/28/18 Beware The Snowman Results
Credit: CHIKARA 101
1. Oleg the Usurper def. Kobald with multiple Off With His Heads. Kobald’s offense didn’t faze Oleg at first, but the goblin kept shrugging off OWHH’s and fighting back to his feet. Oleg hit a top-rope chokeslam and then no less than four Off With His Heads to put Kobald down.
Before the next match, Blank (the former and now-masked Race Jaxon) came out and issued a challenge to the Proletariat Boar of Moldova for National Pro Wrestling Day. Quoth a fan in the crowd, “You gonna die!”
2. Travis Huckabee def. Gran Akuma with a schoolboy. Travis’ grappling allowed him to keep up with Akuma, but Akuma’s strikes were the difference maker. He got overconfident, however, and Travis was able to roll him up.
After the match, Travis offered a handshake, but Akuma kicked him in the jaw.
3. Proletariat Boar of Moldova def. Cornelius Crummels with a mid-air Boar Gore. Short squash match.
After the match, the Boar accepted Blank’s challenge for NPWD.
4. 4 Corner Elimination Tag – The Closers def. The Throwbacks, The Legion of Rot, Dez Peloton
– 1st elimination: The Closers def. Dez Peloton with the Deal Breaker.
– 2nd elimination: The Throwbacks def. Legion of Rot when Dasher Hatfield pins Hallowicked with a prawn hold.
– 3rd elimination: The Closers def. The Throwbacks with a huge moonsault by Rick Roland on Dasher.
After the match, The Closers said fun time was over and Los Ice Creams’ title reign will come to a close.
When we came back, Lucas Calhoun came to the ring. He missed the fans, but cuts to the chase. “I’m a clone.” And when he was confronted with proof of this, he had to walk the earth to come to terms with it. He explained how he did by describing it like hearing your favorite part of your favorite song, and feeling the emotions that causes inside you. “That is proof that you have a soul,” and he said that he has a soul, that this is proof that he’s more than just a copy of someone else. And now he has a purpose, after watching the Season 18 Finale. He saw Professor Nicodemus turn up with “his latest iteration of science monsters” and do away with his best friend, Missile Assault Man. He calls out Jeremy Leary. Leary said Calhoun sounds salty because he’s the old model, while he (Leary) is the new model. Calhoun said, “I forgive you,” because he understands Leary’s motivations, “Brother, you’re the next in the line,” that Leary stole his identity so he’d have one of his own. But in inviting Nicodemus and his science monsters into Chikara, “You messed up.” He says Leary is disposable to Nicodemus, just like Calhoun was, and that he’ll be replaced once Nicodemus comes up with a newer model. “We are more than the byproducts of science experiments!” Calhoun says, and they need to put a stop to this. “Are you with me, brother?” Leary gave him a leery eye (pun intended), but shook his hand and they left together.
5. “17” def. “Ophidian” via ref stoppage. Fake Snake’s offense barely fazed Imposter 17 at first, but eventually he started targeting 17’s head and had him woozy for most of the rest of the match. 17 tore pieces off of Fake Snake’s mask and refused to quit while the fans chanted “Break the Fake.” 17 was able to resist Fake Snake’s hypnosis, and kicked out of an Egyptian Destroyer. Eventually, 17 managed to hit a QuackenDriver Classic. Fake Snake pulled off his mask and threw it to 17 before collapsing. 17 snapped his arm and kept hammering away at him until Bryce called him off and declared him the winner.
After the match, “17” put his snake mask back on and cut a promo. He declared himself “The One True Ophidian, the one and ONLY Master of Snake Style.” Times may have changed, but his motivations have not. There’s one name left on his list to check off, and he challenges Frightmare at NPWD.
6. Oceanea & Merlok def. Hermit Crab & Cajun Crawdad when Oceanea tapped Crab to the Reel Catch. It was telling that Oceanea and Merlok entered to Merlok’s music, and the change in her identity was a darker one. The Crustaceans seemed to think that Merlok still had their back and threw up the “too salty” sign, but Merlok just stared them down until Oceanea dismissively said, “Destroy them.” After demolishing them, she tags in, but then pauses and says, “They’re still moving,” and tags back out. Merlok continued to dominate the Crustaceans. When Oceanea tagged in and set Crawdad up for a fishhook, he grabbed a claw pinch. She screamed for Merlok, who sent Crawdad flying with a tackle. Merlok kept beating on the Crustaceans until Oceanea tagged in and delivered some fishhook beale tosses to Crab. She hit a top rope senton and then locked in the Reel Catch for the win.
After the match, Merlok knelt beside her as she posed in the ring. She demanded of the Crustaceans, “Bend. The. Knee!” They did so and she led the reunited House Seven Seas away. Real Rita Repulsa of the Seven Seas vibe going.
7. For the Grand Championship of Chikara: Juan Francisco de Coronado def. Hype Rockwell to retain the title when Hype passed out to the Coronado Clutch. I missed most of the match due to work calls. Story was that Juan was no match for Hype’s power, and used his usual dirty tricks to get the advantage and work over Hype’s legs and knees. Late in the match, Hype managed to hit the Hyper Wheel, but Juan rolled to the floor. Juan slipped free of an attempted top-rope move and tried to powerbomb Hype. When he couldn’t budge him, he grabbed his flag, but Bryce took the flag away. While he was distracted, Juan low-blowed Hype and powerbombed him out of the corner for a nearfall, then locked in the Coronado Clutch. Hype’s arm fell three times. This was Juan’s 9th successful defense on his 322nd day as champion.
8. Encore: Razerhawk def. Sonny Defarge. I missed the finish due to a work call.
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